he's taking my white, middle-class life and working it for His glory - in ways I had never expected.

i am more convinced than ever that the heart has seasons. seasons of grief and of joy. seasons of discipline and of working. seasons of dancing and of learning.

i have walked with the Lord for almost 20 years - only by His grace towards me. i have been listening, learning what it means to love Him and to live for His glory. i have been in different churches, ministries, friendships, and communities. His sovereignty has made it all work towards my good - I see His leadership sprinkled through out each step. It is leading to something powerful, or perhaps, it's forever writing a story, to which in the end - He will shine brightly.

i have been confused, disheartened, disillusioned, disobedient. i have been enchanted, enamored, permanently altered, and ultimately convinced.

the former was because of my weak frame, my feeble mind, and my misunderstandings. the more i grow, the more i am confident He is good. He is worthy of every nation and tribe and tongue. even for the rocks to cry out to proclaim His glory. He isn't done yet. He is coming soon. He is the King of the ages, of the nations, of the hearts of men.

here i am in a season of awakening. grateful for each time i've walked out of pain, or longing, or the mundane to see Him, and even more FEEL Him - those winds that roar around the throne, those whispers among the Trinity stirring my soul. the past seasons were for a reason as they birth seasons such as that which i find myself in.

a particular message is ruminating in my heart: how does the gospel pertain to that which i find myself in - cultural and racial divisions (something i've been swimming in, to some degree, since meeting Ricky) and also the current situation of the black community, especially those in the low-income, urban areas. i find myself in a home situated in the most crime-ridden neighborhood of San Diego. it has been titled "a war zone."

here i am. Christ in me, my hope of glory. His finished work on the cross applies to these streets and these people.

it's not an easy thing for a white woman, one raised in the midwest middle-class to speak on such issues. it's frightening, in all honesty, as i lack any authority and understanding in and of myself.

but Christ in me. He has something to say to it. He has a hope for the statistics that should cause us, regardless of our skin or socio-economic status, to weep. cause us to arise. the plight of the poor, the plight of the oppressed - rather through personal sin or structural fault - is calling for the church to arise.

i've written and erased many posts on this specific arena. i've been reading and rereading John Piper's specific thoughts in his book, "Bloodlines." (you can download it for free at this link.) he, of course, says things much clearer than i ever could.

but still this burns within me, the call to embrace the ugliest parts of our streets and cities. i lack words, and even understanding of what that will ultimately look like for each individual, but my heart is feeling. praying He is birthing something within me that i can eventually bring more eloquence to. i hope.

this is only to say, He has been good to me. He has weaved every moment into something real within me. i am thankful He has not abandoned me, but given me all I need for life and godliness. i am thankful seasons change - the winters leaves fall to give room for the buddings of spring.

i am thankful to be so involved with such issues, to hear them outside my window at night, which has made a deaf ear impossible.

and most of all, i'm thankful this isn't the end of the story. He will make the wrong things right - through His church, and eventually through His glorious return - to which my heart explodes. Yes, the wrong things shall be made right.

lucia mercy @ 5 months old

 

 

total lucia overload, but i had to document this cute little photoshoot I did for trendy ragz, a mom-owned online business with cute little people clothes!!! check it out here. 

lucia is 5 months old, she is sitting on her own (tumbles if she sees a toy she wants out of reach). she rolls every which ways. loves sitting in her high chair and gnawing on books and watching momma cook or amos play with play-do. 

she isn't eating yet, and still wakes up to nurse. starts on in crib (swaddle, rock combo still works like a charm) and ends up in the bed. she wakes up generally happy from nap and cuddles with her little crotched stuff bunny. she LOVES watching her brother and getting aggressive toddler kisses. she smiles and laughs so easily now, and is an easier going baby than amos. she doesn't crawl, but seems like it will happen soon. 

she babbles to herself and sometimes amos picks out "words" she sounds like she is saying. "momma, momma! she said "boy hello." 

the joy of her life is amos, honestly. it's such a wonderful thing.

okay i'm thinking 5 months is one of the best ages (i end up saying that about every age, but really...). moving around, sitting up on their own, babbling, googling eyed, nursing, laughing, not yet eating, still light to hold - the sweet window before discipline and defiance. ;) it's a really sweet season for a babe.

oh! and she finally got that pesky first tooth. you can sorta, kinda, barely, not really see it in the last picture. she cut it effortlessly - like a true lady. ;)

oh and this iphone picture is just priceless. i feel it represents her little joyful personality the best!