he's taking my white, middle-class life and working it for His glory - in ways I had never expected.

i am more convinced than ever that the heart has seasons. seasons of grief and of joy. seasons of discipline and of working. seasons of dancing and of learning.

i have walked with the Lord for almost 20 years - only by His grace towards me. i have been listening, learning what it means to love Him and to live for His glory. i have been in different churches, ministries, friendships, and communities. His sovereignty has made it all work towards my good - I see His leadership sprinkled through out each step. It is leading to something powerful, or perhaps, it's forever writing a story, to which in the end - He will shine brightly.

i have been confused, disheartened, disillusioned, disobedient. i have been enchanted, enamored, permanently altered, and ultimately convinced.

the former was because of my weak frame, my feeble mind, and my misunderstandings. the more i grow, the more i am confident He is good. He is worthy of every nation and tribe and tongue. even for the rocks to cry out to proclaim His glory. He isn't done yet. He is coming soon. He is the King of the ages, of the nations, of the hearts of men.

here i am in a season of awakening. grateful for each time i've walked out of pain, or longing, or the mundane to see Him, and even more FEEL Him - those winds that roar around the throne, those whispers among the Trinity stirring my soul. the past seasons were for a reason as they birth seasons such as that which i find myself in.

a particular message is ruminating in my heart: how does the gospel pertain to that which i find myself in - cultural and racial divisions (something i've been swimming in, to some degree, since meeting Ricky) and also the current situation of the black community, especially those in the low-income, urban areas. i find myself in a home situated in the most crime-ridden neighborhood of San Diego. it has been titled "a war zone."

here i am. Christ in me, my hope of glory. His finished work on the cross applies to these streets and these people.

it's not an easy thing for a white woman, one raised in the midwest middle-class to speak on such issues. it's frightening, in all honesty, as i lack any authority and understanding in and of myself.

but Christ in me. He has something to say to it. He has a hope for the statistics that should cause us, regardless of our skin or socio-economic status, to weep. cause us to arise. the plight of the poor, the plight of the oppressed - rather through personal sin or structural fault - is calling for the church to arise.

i've written and erased many posts on this specific arena. i've been reading and rereading John Piper's specific thoughts in his book, "Bloodlines." (you can download it for free at this link.) he, of course, says things much clearer than i ever could.

but still this burns within me, the call to embrace the ugliest parts of our streets and cities. i lack words, and even understanding of what that will ultimately look like for each individual, but my heart is feeling. praying He is birthing something within me that i can eventually bring more eloquence to. i hope.

this is only to say, He has been good to me. He has weaved every moment into something real within me. i am thankful He has not abandoned me, but given me all I need for life and godliness. i am thankful seasons change - the winters leaves fall to give room for the buddings of spring.

i am thankful to be so involved with such issues, to hear them outside my window at night, which has made a deaf ear impossible.

and most of all, i'm thankful this isn't the end of the story. He will make the wrong things right - through His church, and eventually through His glorious return - to which my heart explodes. Yes, the wrong things shall be made right.


  1. I wish we could talk!! We live in a really low income neighborhood and I have so many thoughts!! Some not good, I know! We should try to talk soon!!!!! FaceTime??

  2. this is a concept i am currently struggling through. i've actually been thinking of reading "Bloodlines". We live in a very diverse pocket outside minneapolis and have come into contact with people with very different upbringings than me. We are currently renting a condo and have had some serious issues with our neighbors who share a wall with us. We've had police show up multiple times and we have had to call police on occasion. Needless to say it has really tested me as a stay-at-home mother of two young girls and as a christian. and like you, i'm a suburban white girl from the midwest. my husband on the other hand grew up in a very different and urban culture, so he is much more acclimated to everything than i am. I have really struggled in know how to "love my neighbors" but also keep our home a place a peace for myself and family. And through it all i've come to realize my own prejudices and racist mindsets i never knew i had because i simply haven't lived in an area with people of a different color of skin or economic status. Its a humbling experience to be sure. But what you said is right "His finished work on the cross applies to these streets and these people" i just need wisdom and understanding of how to be an instrument of that. Thanks for sharing this post, it gives me hope that i am not the only one in situations just as this and are looking for answers through the Cross :)


id love to hear from you!