birth story of ms. lucia mercy // He is the author of Life.

here we are again, typing out the details of the blur that is a labor and delivery of a baby. i was certain this time around would be so vastly different than amos' story. less drama, more simplicity, rawness, and a peaceful calm.

and this is how it goes. i love control. that is how i deal with fear, deal with pain, and deal with confusion. if i don't understand something - it is scary to me. therefore, i research an idea or a situation until i feel fully educated and aware. i did this with birth - especially the first time with amos. learning from my past situation i did even more to prepare ourselves for the arrival of this baby. all our natural preparations - teas, and supplements, and exercises. having done bradley method birth classes with amos (which i loved, but felt was not adequate in helping one deal with pain properly - especially pitocin pain) and so with lucia i did the other natural labor method: hypnobabies. we were going to have her in a birth center rather than a hospital, as i honestly didn't want to have anything within this story that would echo my last labor and delivery - except for the beautiful ending: a healthy little baby in our arms.

though i ate well with my first pregnancy, i was much more strict and aware this one. i was active and honestly felt great at the end. i had midwives tell me, because amos' positioning and delivery (posterier, aka face up. a much harder way to push out) that i would most likely have a very quick labor and pushing stage.

i was so excited to have her in the birth center. i wanted to deliver in water. i was excited to go home quickly afterwards.

this is to give some understanding of how we were going into week 40. everything was in order and in place.

of course, the story doesn't go as i planned. as is life. my hope could not lie in my preparation, nor in my body that "knows how to birth." i could not rest in the beauty of a natural birth story, yet again. i had to just declare God is sovereign. He really is in control.

this is me the day before my water broke. :)

my water broke around 7:30 PM on Friday night, March 8th. This was the night before my due date. amos, ricky and i had went to a kim walker/jesus culture concert. amos was dancing at our feet, and i was trying to really set my heart on Jesus. then it happened. i spent the next hour trying to figure out if my water really had broken - to realize, why yes, yes it had. we were going to have this baby, most likely on her due date!

I was so excited, so Ricky took us home and we put Amos to bed. Within the next couple hours my excitement suddenly turned to frustration. I realized i was having little to no contractions, my water had broke, and I was suddenly on the dreaded timeline. i had 24 hours to go into active labor (painful contractions, 4 cm) to have her at the birth center, and if not - 36 hours to deliver the baby without fighting a c-section.

though i know i should rest, i spent the night in and out of sleep. i'd wake up to use the restroom, realizing nothing was happening. USUALLY contractions pick up within 4-6 hours after your water breaks. 4 hours passed, then 6, and by morning it had been 12 hours with little to no contractions. i had to go into the birth center by this time to confirm my water had broken.

by this point i was pretty emotional. yet again i was fighting my body to do something it wasn't ready to do.

we went into birth center and they confirmed my water had broken. the minute the midwife told me i started hysterically weeping. though i had 12 more hours to get labor going, deep down i knew induction was coming. ricky kept assuring me it was okay, and once we tried some natural induction methods my body would probably kick into gear.

we spent the entire day trying all we could. we found an herbal shop by the beach to take blue/black cohosh. we came back to the house and walked... and walked... and walked. i did exercises. we went to acupuncturist. i quoted and prayed through scriptures, and asked God to give me peace as I was honestly SO DISCOURAGED. and so frustrated. i wish we had taken more pictures through this process, but in the moment i was just mad. i didn't want to talk to anyone or anything. i just wanted to do everything i knew to do to get into labor.

we then went back to the birth center and they swiped my membrames, and broke my water (it had tore high up and so was only slightly leaking). my midwife suggested we walk to a restaraunt and go to dinner. and so we did, and this was one of the only great experiences of that day. we met a couple who were in town for a church conference and prayed with us. my contractions had picked up but were very inconsistent and only slightly painful. they were between 5-10 minutes a part - but by the time we walked back to the birth center it was at 24 hours I was only at 3 cm, with my contractions almost entirely stopping.

we sat in our birth center room (i had laid down and rested the last hour or so) and i just cried and cried as my midwife called the hospital to forward my information and let them know we were coming.

i cried mostly because i didn't want to do pitocin. that was the main source of my tears by this point. pitocin, honestly, is terrifying. it's mean and ugly and unfair. ricky and i can honestly say, my first labor and delivery was almost traumatizing because of pitocin - and not just that, but fighting with the doctor's to not surrender to a c-section.

as i was crying, ricky said something that pretty much shifted my entire experience. he said, "tiffany, this really isn't that big of a deal. we've done it before. we'll do it again. if you have to get an epidural, we know that it's okay. and some people can't even make a baby. they can't even carry them to full term. our biggest struggle, that you aren't going into labor naturally, seems so little in comparison to what other people are facing."

and it was honestly as if the Holy Spirit came into that little room and shifted everything for me. it was true, i knew how to do a hospital birth and induction. it wasn't the preferred method, but at least i knew what to expect. and the baby was fine and kicking. she was healthy and ready to come, and she didn't really care what brought her here. I was the one who cared. and it didn't really matter. Jesus had decided this was what was going to happen, and joy was mine for the taking.

we drove to the hospital, and i put my game face on. i told ricky i would do 4-6 hours of pitocin without pain medication, and re-evaluate at the end of that time what we were to do. i prayed my body would progress fast, and by that point i would be at 7 cm. that was sort of my limit. then i'd be in transition and could at least see some end in sight.

what's crazy is that as soon as we walked into that hospital, it was like the peace of Jesus so supernaturally flooded my heart and the room i was in. it's like i just surrendered to the Lord's plan. i laid down my desire for the birth story i had wanted and worked for - and said, "okay jesus, let's do this Your way."

right before the meds kicked in.

they hooked me up, and started the pitocin. i had spent most of my day listening to my hypnobabies tracks and laid down and listened to them as my contractions picked up.

then the blur started. i'm not sure how long i was on - maybe 4 hours? my contractions picked up to a real good point, the natural breaks, the ebb and flow - but then they started being what they were: pitocin contractions. they were doubling, tripling up with no breaks in between. they were coming in at a peak, and then staying there. i wasn't getting any breaks. i was on the birth ball, same position as last time - facing ricky and screaming my head off.

we asked for them to lessen the dose, which they did and my contractions started normalizing a little. i'm not sure when it happened, but by this point i had enough time in between to asked to be checked. from what i remember i was checked twice - one time at 6 and then the next doctor said 5 1/2 about 2 hours later. (i think?) by that point i said i was done. all i could think was that at this time with amos i still had another 20+ hours to go. i think that was the clincher. i didn't know how long it would be.. i had almost entirely lost my voice at this point and it just didn't seem worth it.

i got the epidural, and this crazy thing happened. as they were giving it to me i seriously felt the Lord tell me that the rest was from Him. it's weird, you know? i think we spiritualize natural births. i know i do. almost as if the holier route is the natural one. not just with birth - but with everything. it's the craze right now. and it's as if God made our bodies to do it, and so when they do - it's like this perfect, ecstatic alignment. but that really isn't truth. God really can be found in it all. He can be glorified in it all. if i'm massively enjoying my double cheeseburger from wherever in all it's fakeness - that moment is as much given over to Jesus as my all natural, free range chicken broth goodness. and so it was with this massive needle in my back. there was this part of me that really knew this epidural was from Jesus. maybe that's so crazy. i don't know. last time my heart was so fearful by this point. but this time my heart breathed a sigh of relief and said, "thank You Jesus. You are good."

i don't know what that means theologically. i don't know what i'm even saying. i just know that the Lord was with me - and where i had no control, He was felt near.

i guess it's just humbling. the whole thing. like ringing out of ESOAL (only some will know what this is), or being so exhausted you turn on netflix for your toddler. moments you really can't do something the way you wanted. it's in these moments, His grace is evident. it's not by our own works. our own efforts. our own labors. a baby comes because Jesus is supreme. by Him and through Him all things exist.

after this i slept, they amped by pitocin, and i progressed (slowly) until i was ready to push around 8:00 AM (really 9:00 AM b/c of the time change that happened that night). the epidural was honestly this miraculous epidural that even baffled my nurses. i was numb all around my belly and back but could feel the contractions entirely in my bum and cervix. at some points i even had to stop talking and breath through them. i liked this because i felt much more engaged with my labor and especially my pushing, and not just a bystander. i could move around and move my legs. i felt when i had to push, and pushed in 3 different positions (i don't even know how it was possible, because i even got on my hands and knees and walked immediately after she was born). she came into the world rather easily while we listened to will reagan sing. i'm not sure what song was playing when she made her debut, but i'd like to think he was singing these words:

all my walls and my defenses fall to the ground
when the warmth of your light shines all around
Your love is better than all the world can give...

and little lucia came, as she was destined to come, in a hospital room and into the hands of a doctor. the stark lights faded as the morning sun shone through our little window. i cried as they placed her little body on my chest. because how she came didn't matter, it was that she was here. and her birth brought healing, and joy, and even redeemed my last experience. it really ended up being so very beautiful.

 my family grew because God is good. He is worthy of praise and adoration! He is the Giver of Life - the Sustainer. He fills the womb and builds a family. i am so thankful He has let partner with Him again in watching a life develop.

Birth Story - PART 4. The Arrival.

it's been almost a year since i have written post 3 of amos' birth story. it's kind of depressing, actually - because it is left hanging, in the tension of a birth plan gone horribly off course and a huge needle getting shoved in my back. if you haven't read it you can start by reading here: part 1, part 2, part 3, + the add-in. (and my little laboring video)

it's crazy, after 16 months those moments are burned so deeply in my brain and into my heart. even in the midst of massive emotional turmoil, extreme pain, and sleep deprivation - the waves of seconds that swelled into hours that built up to the moment my little boy arrived are still in vibrant colors swimming around in my memory. even clearer than my wedding day - because i suppose, a wedding day isn't the day you fall in love. but this day, these moments, love and introduction collide and your world explodes.

i mean, there is nothing, nothing like becoming a mother. i feel as time has passed, and i have grown into this role thrust upon me - i can say it with even more honesty. there is nothing, nothing like becoming a mother. nothing.

to carry a being within your very own frame, bring them, a breathing soul, out from a deep place of pain, and then hold them at your breast (as all mothers do) for months as they become little, REAL people to stand and live on their own. i mean, it's absurd that the Lord has given such weak persons such grave responsibility. and that's why He is love, because He takes us on as partners and gives us the grace to lean on Him in the process.

and now back to the story:

i received the dreaded epidural with no problems. i was so disappointed, not as much in myself - as i knew deep down i had done everything i could to endure. i had been in labor for 32 hours. i hadn't slept for 45 hours. and i was fighting passing out, and making it through contractions induced by medicine- those that came in at a peak and left at a peak for 10-15 second "rests" in between. i knew i couldn't go any longer. i was disappointed in the turn of events. that's where my emotion was directed. this was not as planned. this wasn't very fair. and i wasn't understanding why my body was battling the process.

once my medicine kicked in, my blood pressure dropped (naturally, as you can imagine would happen when medicine that paralyzes your bottom half is administered) and the anesthesiologist said he wanted to give me adrenaline. at this point, my calm and collected husband takes center stage.

he, at first, calmly asked, "will that effect the baby?"

to which the doctor responded, "oh no, not at all. it won't even get to the baby..." (CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! that is absolutely false. so ridiculous.)

ricky then stood up out of his chair, and i remember this so clearly, and says to the doctor (and all the nurses, and anyone who would listen)... "No. No! We have been fighting with you and your staff since we arrived at this hospital. We did not want medication, and we were practically forced into doing that which we did not want to. We did not want pitocin, but you said we had to get it, over and over. That pitocin lead us into the epidural, which we did not want, and now this epidural is trying to take us into another drug. we don't want it. "

the anesthesiologist looked at ricky and simply said, "ok." - as if it wasn't a big deal either way - which shows how unnecessary some interventions are. my blood pressure eventually went back to normal as my body adjusted to the medicine of the epidural.

soon after that confrontation, i knocked out - the type that ushers you into an immediate deep sleep - the deepest sleep my body may have ever seized. in the bed of rest the epidural had created, my exhausted mind curled up and relaxed.

i woke up about an hour and half later, around 4:30 AM to be checked on my progress. though my body couldn't feel it, the monitor told me i was still going through intense contractions and hopefully there had been progress. by this point "c-sections" were being mentioned every time a nurse or doctor came in. things better start moving along, or they would need to get him out (due to meconium stain and water breaking 35+ hours ago, longggg past their 12 hour deadline). I was at 8cm and 80% dilation, which was exciting because things were happening.

after this checkup, i put on our ipod and listened to jason upton. i remember this moment so clearly, as it was one of the most peaceful times in that hospital room.

during the entire morning, i was readjusting my position to try and help readjust amos' position to get him moving down. my heart rate kept decelerating (which i believe was normal) and they kept insisting on putting an oxygen mask on me (pretty frustrating)...

By 10AM I was checked and found to have made some more progress, though small, by being at 9cm dilated and still 80% effaced. The slow progress confirmed what my doula has been telling us that Amos was either OP or OT, turned to the right or left, or turned toward my belly. We began to try and move me around even more to get Amos to turn properly. By this time the doctors were giving us strict deadlines on my progress. If I was not in a place to push within 30 minutes, I would need a c-section.

At this point we enlisted everyone to pray, via text, and started calling Amos into a proper position.

By around noon, I still hadn't progressed, and we kept convincing the doctors to give us a little more time ("30 more minutes, please, and we'll see if he's moved.") and they kept reluctantly agreeing. I was feeling my contractions again, but nothing was compared to prior to my epidural so it seemed rather easy.

At 1 PM, the doctor could feel Amos and confirmed he was facing to my side and could not come out unless he turned. We prayed and prayed and prayed!

By 2:45 Amos had turned, but decided to turn face up which would make my pushing/delivery much more difficult, but we rejoiced that we were given more time to deliver him naturally. I felt such relief at this point because he was finally in a position, that we knew of, that could lead to him coming into the world!

By 3:30 PM I FINALLY started pushing, and to be honest, pushing with an epidural is just the worst scenario ever. A woman was meant to fully feel her contractions and push with them, not "kind of" feel them. I wish I would had been able to find a better position, as I think it would have made it go faster, but the Lord took care of us anyway - even in the last position I ever wanted to push in - my back.

(also - can you imagine, without my epidural i would have still been fighting through my contractions throughout the entire next day!!! i would not have made it, and the Lord was kind to have let me 'give up' that night. i would have definitely not had enough energy to keep through them for 15 more hours AND push.)

i remember pushing the clearest, as i pushed for 2 hours and 45 minutes. i remember so vividly as ricky held one of my legs, and a nurse my other - as amos slowly (and i mean slowwwwwwwly) made his way out. i asked over and over again with such stress in my voice, "am i doing it right? is he coming?!" - i just did not understand what to do to make it go faster. minutes turned into hours and i was sucking out every bit of energy i had gotten from that hour and half nap.

and in the midst the nurses and doctor and ricky encouraged me, and we made it through. i'm not sure how much longer they would have let me push before they intervened, but i am SO thankful to God Amos was able to be born naturally without any intervention (c-section, etc.) for his delivery. i don't know how we did it, but we did.

and there he was - facing up and seeing bright light for the first time in all his existence --- out into the world and on my chest. 5:42 PM. my son.

this part was very much a blur. he was not crying and was pretty docile looking - they immediately had ricky cut his chord and sweeped him away. i was terrified, but they assured me he would be okay - he had just come from a very difficult labor and needed some time. (i have since attended a home birth where the baby did not cry nor do much for almost 10 minutes, and they peacefully rubbed her back and waited for her to open up her lungs. how different hospitals are verses mid-wives/home births. i wonder if that moment of fear was necessary, but now these details seem so insignificant as i have a healthy little boy).

when he was given back to me moments later it was as if the huge wave, crescendoing and building for over 2 days released and covered our little family. i looked at ricky, and he looked at me, and we stared down at our little white, blonde haired boy. his little almond eyes, swollen from his journey, peered open and we saw their blueness in the hospital light. his arms moved jerkily, as if still pushing against the fluid within my womb - and his fingers stretched out to feel the air rush in between them. this was his beginning.

here he was - skin and bones, a beating heart, he had survived 2 days of feeling the pressures of my body try and bring him forth. i had survived. we had made it through. and we would make it through. carried and propelled by the grace of God. He had brought me here and would faithfully bring us to the end.

these moments were the calm after the storm. amos' fresh skin against my own. he was alert and within the first hour crawled up my belly and latched onto my breast. he fed well from the moment he started. the ease i didn't feel since our process had begin, even within my pregnancy, entered the room like a sweet scent. he ate well. he was healthy and whole.

this was our new life.




------

(read the play by play of the birth here, written from the perspective of my doulah.)

coming soon: our first days in the hospital, coming home, breastfeeding, and what i would change next time around.

(would love a vote from you today, thank you.)

a little add in.

before i finish my story - i did want to add in some further thoughts.

1.) Giving birth hurts. It does, it hurts. But it's not an impossible task. My contractions without pitocin definitely hurt, but were very doable. Even my pitocin contractions were doable - and if it wasn't for the unusual length of my labor, i potentially could have made it through drug free.

I say that it hurts, because that is the reality of it. and I think I owe it to all women who have had babies (you are incredibly strong) and those who will have babies (you will be stronger than you ever thought you could be) to call it what it is.

2.) For the sake of story-telling, I'm adding in the interesting/dramatic parts.

3.) Though I got a little "panicky" and "stressed" by the 2nd midnight of labor, I don't know if I would characterize it as "fear" as many would interpret it. Yes, I was afraid of the next contraction - only because it was going to hurt. Who doesn't flinch at a baseball coming towards their face? I wasn't, however, afraid something was going "wrong" with my body - as it was doing what it's suppose to do! Contract to move Amos from the womb to the world. This was exciting, but not necessarily fun.

4.) Pitocin hurts, but in our case, it worked. It got him out. Do I wonder if avoiding it for longer and moving around more, positioning myself more, etc. would have also done the trick? Of course. But that doesn't negate the fact that the pitocin delivered me a baby. So for that, I gotta tip my hat to the old guy and maybe recant my demonizing. He's a hard worker, but I just wish I could have done the work by myself.

5.) All my doctors and nurses were incredible, except for our one encounter - and I'm sure she was just having a rough day. That was a disappointing situation, but does not take away from the kindness and patience of the others. I was never offered an epidural, per our request, and they were doing what they had been train to do. Use medicine/machinary to aide in labor. If something were wrong, those things would have caught it/helped it and for that I am thankful. Number 5 is a shout out to my nurse mommy, of course.

6.) The hospital was very "medicine-happy" but gave me a successful vaginal birth and a healthy baby boy. They also were there in case I didn't have enough energy to push him out and I needed an emergency c-section. Hospitals are good, but I will have to say not ideal for normal births.


7.) I will have more children. We hope to have at least 5. You know it is endurable if we would willfully choose to do it again. And I would, even if it ran the same course, if it brought me more Amos'. Babies are soooooo worth.


So women, you can do it. ;)

Birth Story - PART 3. The Pitocin Demon.

this is what i would like to call: the dark night of the soul, or even better, the dark, dark, painful night of the pitocin demon.

that doesn't even give it justice.

to explain labor pain is trying to convey the emotions of a woman to a man. or marital love to a small child. or eternity to a human. we just don't have words for it if we have yet to experience it. i don't know about others, i've heard it feels like "cramps" or "back pain" or a really bad stomach ache. to that i say, "ha!"

i have a rather high tolerance of pain. i'm one of those people who always have the random ailment plaguing my body - the latter portion of my pregnancy gives you a good glimpse. i've had kidney stones, torticollis (a twisted neck thing), and food poisoning twice. if you could extract the pain from each of those situations, triple it, and pour into onto a person - it would still only be a half of the pain of my "pitocin contractions".

okay, that may be a little extreme. but it hurt. and the word hurt doesn't do it. i had never felt anything like them in my life.

now, i understand pregnant women may be reading this... or those soon to be pregnant. i want you to know, i think i may have experienced the more extreme version of labor pains. they were manufactured and augmented with back labor thrown in. the contractions by this point were coming in at a peak, and lasting very long, then ending with a 30 second break. (they vary very different from normal latent contractions).

by this point i was on the birthing ball, with ricky sitting on our hospital bed facing me. my wonderful doula, betsy, was behind me with a rice sack warmed and pressed against my lower back. as each contraction came i would literally scream/groan through each one right into ricky's face, and then collapse during my short break.

this is one of those points where i can truly say i wouldn't have made it through that night without my husband. to say i went through those contractions alone would be a lie. i don't think ricky has ever focused longer in his entire life, and i know it was horrific to see me in such pain. but the wonderful thing about my husband, is that he doesn't decipher pain as a horrible thing. i think as Christians, we've learned pain can be one of the most beneficial causes to a slew of wonderful effects. and so with each wave of pain, we knew it meant Amos was 1 minute closer to being in our arms.

as each contraction ended, i started entering into a real fearful phase, knowing the next one was only seconds away. you get the release of one being over, but as soon as you gather your breathe, you have to start mentally preparing for the next one to come. it truly is like the waves of the ocean, one comes in, subsides, and you can see a new one gathering on the waters in the distance. i would start saying to ricky in a panic, "i don't know if i can do another, i don't think i can do it." and he would take my hands, tell me i could do it, and encourage me to relax through it (i think that relaxing through these was near impossible, but it was comforting to hear him suggest it).

Around 2 AM I threw up. I think it was from such extreme pain.

At this point I had been going through pitocin contractions for 5 hours, and somewhere during this time a nurse came to check me. I don't have it recorded but I'm pretty sure I had only dilated 1 more centimeter, at 5 centimeters. This meant it took almost a 36 hours to only get halfway. When I heard this news I really entered into panic/stressed mode, and felt incredibly defeated.

On top of this, my heart rate was decelerating, which i don't think was too serious - but the hospital would make me lie down and put an oxygen mask on my face. i could handle the contractions if i was on the birthing ball, bouncing, vocalizing through them, holding onto ricky, and moving through them. when i was on the bed, however, it was a different story. because it was back labor, i think laying down doubled the pain. it was near impossible to get through them, and i think i was crying the entire time, grabbing the side bar, and screaming/groaning. on top of this i had wires hooked up to me and a face mask on.

by the time i was back on the birthing ball, and facing ricky, it was around 2:30 AM. in between each contraction i started to tell Ricky i couldn't do it anymore, i honestly could not do it and i needed an epidural.

the main reason i finally came to this decision was the fact i was still progressing so slowly. if i had been at 8 or 9 i think the end would have been in site and i could have fought through it, but at this point there was no guessing how long my body would have to contract to get this little guy down and out. later we discovered he was turned in the wrong direction coming down, and his head was being forced again a bone inside. he really WASN'T progressing much, and the best thing we could have done was moved around to get him situated down. that was no longer possible, due to the pitocin/hook ups, and so the hours had turned into days.

i also was beyond exhausted. the last time i had slept was saturday night and we were now into monday night. between each contraction my eyes were rolling back in my head and i felt as if i was going to pass out. pile on top the fact i was emotionally unstable due to extreme lack of sleep.

our goal was a natural birth with no pain medication because it is the best kind of birth. it's the safest and most beneficial for both mom and baby.  our higher goal was avoiding a c-section. i think at this point, if i had continued, i would not have had enough energy to continue through the next hours of contractions (which ended up being 17 more) and the pushing (which ended up being very difficult and long). to take an epidural was worth gaining a vaginal delivery. i wasn't thinking this clearly, of course, but now that i look back i'm thankful to God it ran the course it did to save me from the impending c-section.

i told ricky i needed one, and he of course responded telling me i could do it, take it one contraction at a time, etc. this was because i had told him to do this, and under no circumstances to let me get an epidural. it took a good 10-15 minutes for me to convince him that i truly needed one and i literally could not handle anymore. i had been in labor for 34 hours, and on pitocin for over 5 hours.

we prayed some, and during this time my most precious memory of my labor was created. i remember so clearly ricky holding me, looking into my eyes, and tearing up watching me be in so much pain and have to wave my white flag of surrender. we didn't know why it was taking so long, why it was going the way it was, and i know ricky was so sad that i had to give up to what i truly did not want. on top of it, all we wanted was to meet our son, and for him to be okay. i think in those moments it was as if everything around us disappeared and it was our on little family, in our first true moment of hardship together. i don't know how to explain it really, and for this i am thankful i went through what i did for so long - because it never would have climaxed to such a space in time for us.

we finally asked the nurse to bring the anesthesiologist - and from here on out i kinda when crazy. once i had asked for it - the waiting for it to actually come seemed like forever. i think from the moment i asked, to the moment it started working was over an hour. i was so terrified of the epidural and hurting amos. i know it is so extreme and irrational - but you have to remember my current state - rationality had become an inability.

i was crying, begging the anesthesiologist to not mess up and not hurt my baby. i was praying to God, very loudly i might add, to protect amos and protect me. and apologizing to everyone, God, myself, and man that i was getting an epidural.

and he then had me lean over and shoved that horribly long, terrifying needle down my spine.





oh and if you've been reading our story, perhaps you could vote for our blog here:
it only takes 2 clicks!!!! and you can vote daily. ;)

snapshots.

Come Home Soon from Tiffany Valdez on Vimeo.






advice to mom's about to give birth: if i could do it again, i would have gotten much more footage of things like: the monitoring machine, the room, the bed, walking the halls, entering the hospital, ricky, my doula betsy, the nurses, etc. i would have had ricky's sister come in every 2 hours or so (or 30 minutes if you don't plan on having a 2 day labor) and just film random things for about 5 minutes. ricky tried to film, but i really needed him fully there and didn't want him distracted. that's why an extra "just to film" person would have been nice and perhaps a list created beforehand of shots to capture. i did get the actual birth on video, but it's not of the "shareable" kind. ;)

oh and if you've been reading our story, perhaps you could vote for our blog here:
it only takes 2 clicks!!!!

Birth Story - PART 2. First Day at Hospital

We get through traffic, and it feels as if my contractions have almost completely disappeared. We were laughing and carrying on in the car, going on about how excited we were that by tonight we'd have a little baby (or so we thought). By the time I waddled into the hospital, up the elevators, and into check-in my body seemed to have forgotten it was having a baby. I felt pretty dumb, except for the fact I was still leaking amniotic fluid. Everywhere.

The triage nurses were cool - and my contractions were recordable, but pretty off and on. I laid in the small triage room and let them check "my progress." I was pretty determined not to let them check how dilated I was because, now that my water had broke, every exam grew the chance of infection. And on top of it, it's so unnecessary and  inaccurate on how things would play out. But they had to check me on my initial entry and i knew that coming in.


Unfortunately I was only 3 centimeters - but i knew in my head that could change overtime, I just had to get my body working. They asked to hook me up to an IV for a bit, and I humored them by letting them as I wasn't in much pain. My doula showed up and it all felt pretty real.

My contractions were 7 minutes apart but not lasting for very long. They hurt, but the excitement of meeting our baby outweighed the pain. And they were so quick and so far apart they were super manageable. Our doula suggested walking the halls, which was a great idea because our room was so creepy and depressing. For some reason we were given the black hole room, in the center of the OB-GYN floor. No windows, at all. It was like a time warp where you didn't know if it was day or night. And when you forgot, you could just stare up at the HUGE DIGITAL CLOCK on the wall reminding you it's been 12, 24, and 40 hours since you started this process and you still have zero results.

So, the halls we roamed. I'm wearing this hideous gown made for an elephant, and my hair is already greasy and in a mess on top of my swollen face head. I would make this a colorful post with pictures and what not, but i'll spare all of us. I looked terrible. And it would only get worse.

And so, we walked. and walked. around the floor, by the nursery, into vacant creepy hallways, and rooms filled with storage boxes. we walked up the concrete stairs, and down the concrete stairs. my doula, ricky, and i. and poor little amos. walking, walking, walking. i had a huge hospital cup full of ice water and i was downing gallons of water by the minute, which caused us a tri-hourly pit-stop at the bathroom. so we walked, and i drank, and i peed, and we walked.

and the contractions WERE coming... and every time i'd stop, put my arms around ricky's neck, and hang there - swinging my hips back and forth through the contraction. i kept thinking, this can't be labor - because it's not that bad. and it wasn't... and that's probably why nothing was happening on the inside.

All the while we were already talking the nurses out of pitocin (my gosh I'd been there 6 hours!) and not having them stick me on a monitor the entire time, which obviously wasn't doing much for progressing my labor. During one of my sessions of being monitored (happened every 2 hours) i snuck some food to keep up my energy.

By 3:00 in the afternoon, we had already had 3 conversations asking for more time to get labor going, and let me tell you - the last thing you want to be doing during your labor is analytically arguing with medical staff. So case in point, go with people you agree with... i mean REALLY agree with.

And so, by 3:20 I get into our little shower in our bathroom and stand there... forever. And it helped. Contractions were coming stronger and closer together. I started actually vocalizing through them (moaning)... and thinking, "Okay, this is intense. These hurt super bad. This baby better come soon." And I probably cried a little here and there too. Pain is scary. And I was starting to be in pain.

The entire time Ricky was with me. He sat outside the shower, asking if I needed anything - giving me water every 5 or 10 minutes, and just being there. That was the greatest thing he could have done, was just be IN it with me. He didn't feel pain, and I wouldn't have wanted him to even if he had the choice. I just wanted him to be with me in MY pain. I didn't want him to miss a step, because this was OUR story.

and sidenote: that is what I hate about medicated births. from here on out, I went through the most intimate event I have ever experienced with a human that day with my husband. it's like we stepped out of our western, overly-comforted existence into this drama for a day or two. and whatever hadn't already been done to our hearts through marriage, was solidified in that small, dark hospital room. my heart was sewn to ricky's in the furnace of pain. real, physical, searing pain. my body was writhing, and my husband didn't flinch in the face of it. he just stared it down with such a determination of love and servanthood with me. contraction by contraction. it was incredible, and i wouldn't exchange that for a shot that gives me a birth where i lie in bed, and my husband plays on his iphone. no comfort is worth robbing me of a trial for love.

and so there i am, in the shower, thanking God for the pain - because I know the pain means soon enough I'll have a baby. A little baby. whatever that means. but one thing i know, it's good. and i can't wait. and my whole life is changing in this black hole hospital room. i've come in a little girl in love, and i'll walk out a mother. and God is good. and this is real.

and so i'm thinking these things, praying to God, banging on the wet shower wall through each contraction - praying for more.

this would have been great, except for every hour I had to be monitored. so as soon as my body started working, as soon as it started hurting, i mean REALLLLLY hurting, they'd pull me out where i had to dry off (through contractions) get dressed (through contractions), go to the bed (through contractions) get hooked up (through contractions) and by the time i'd be on that horrific hospital bed, my contractions would slow back down.

and i'd say, "just let me stay in the shower, it's WORKING. it's obviously working. when i'm in there, i have more, they hurt more, and they last longer."

and they'd say, "no"

and i'd say, "when i lay down to be monitored they slow down. this isn't working."

and they'd say, "we care about your baby. lay down."

eeeesh. it was frustrating. and it was less me saying those things to them, but more ricky and my doula. thank God for them.

so in and out of shower. in and out of hospital bed. it's 3PM. shift change. scariest nurse ever takes over. tattooed eyebrows. irish accent. menacing eyes. hates me. hates my birth plan. and hates that i'm denying her the things she wants.

"i want to exam you to see how far you are." - scary nurse

"no thank you. my water broke, and that increases infection. i'd rather not." - me

"i don't care, lay down, it's time we check you." - scary nurse while LITERALLY grabbing my pregnant shoulder and shoving my pregnant (still contracting) body down onto the bed to, what???, forcibly check my cervix. i don't know - but it was traumatizing.

"please, i'd rather not." - me, while sitting back up.

"fine! i will not take care of you, you unintelligent, all natural hippie! i'll tell the doctor on you." - scary nurse, said in not, exactly those words, but you get the point.

which of course lead to an increase in my blood pressure, which was flaming angry, which lead to some drama about how my baby is in danger. thank God my doula was there to tell everyone, nurse carol just stressed us all out.

so i got back in the shower. more contractions. more pain.

it's now 7PM. (mind you, my contractions started 5PM the PREVIOUS DAY. we are already into 26 hours). i finally let them check me, because they act like if i don't they'll throw my laboring body into the streets. and here comes the first low blow... I was only 4cm dilated. (for all of you non-pregnant, non-moms... you have to get to a 10 to have a baby.)

so it had been over a day, a day of fighting with hospitals, and walking stairs, and feeling pain and i had only moved up ONE CENTIMETER. ONE. ONEEEEEEEEEE.

so my wonderful doula had the suspicion it was because little amos was positioned strangely. so the more i moved, the better it would be to get him down. which, of course, the hospital hated as they wanted me monitored (hooked up, on machines, on my bed, laying down) every 15 minutes. more arguing with staff. more frustration. all the while, i'm still in labor, having contractions...

so we started pulling out of our bag of tricks.

"give me 2 hours, 2 more hours and we'll see if i progress." me, or probably ricky, as i wasn't talking much at this point

"okay, 2 more hours, and that's it. then we have to do something to get labor going." - hospital

9PM comes, they check me, and the bad news comes again. No change.

Ricky takes me in the bathroom, sits me down, and tells me what I didn't want to hear.

"Babe, I think we have to start the pitocin." - ricky

I start weeping. I'm exhausted. I haven't slept for 2 days. Nothings happening. I'm in the black hole room. Nothing IS HAPPENING. and, above all, I am TERRIFIED of pitocin.

Ricky's scared too. I can see it in his eyes. Scared to see me jump full blast into the ocean of manufactured pain. We know pitocin isn't normal. It's fabricated, via medicine, contractions. It leads to a plethora of other issues. We know, but we don't have much choice. My water broke over 14 hours ago.

At 9 they start the pitocin. With the pitocin went any hopes of mobility. I'm tied to the machine, with a tube running out of my arm. The monitors are strapped to my belly. I can only reach as far as the birthing ball at the side of the bed.


And so here we go, me straddling big, blue birthing ball, ricky staring at me with his game face... and i mean, GAME FACE. my doula's behind me with a warmed rice sack on my back (which, we figure out later, is going through some INTENSE back labor) and we start the pitocin pain through the night.

Birth Story - PART 1. Pre-hospital

i'm glad i've waited to write my birth story - as the months have passed it's become sweeter and sweeter to remember.

it was a sunday evening, and i remember exactly what i was doing. i had just eaten dinner at ricky's family's house and was sprawled out on the couch. i kept having pain in my abdomen, and i dismissed it as i'd been having braxton hicks for a couple months before. the only difference with these were that the braxton hicks were always triggered by movement - getting out of the car, bending over, etc. these were just happening. they were enough discomfort to distract me, but i was trying to implement everything i had learned in my bradley classes: don't drag on the time by concentrating on early labor (if it was even that), try to ignore them and go about your activities, don't get to excited because it could be false labor, etc.

my pregnancy itself was all drama, i had convinced myself my labor would be the most normal of events - because that's what my drama pregnancy owed me. i had had terrible morning sickness, and i still to this day don't know how i made it to work. i would sit at my desk and eat small bits of bagel every 10 minutes to keep my blood sugar high enough so i wouldn't hurl in the trash can under my desk. i gagged on an hourly basis, and would come home and sleep the evenings away while ricky was at school. in those first 3 months i don't even think i entered my kitchen, and most definitely did no cooking or peering into the refridgerator. it all seems so distant now as it was ONE YEAR AGO - but it was rough.

my second trimester was a breeze. i enjoyed dressing up my bump, feeling the kicks, and finding out what i knew all along - i was having a baby boy. i thought nothing could compare to my morning sickness, but i didn't know what could come with my last trimester.

i had the usual discomforts by the last 2 months: bowling ball in the pelvis, the impossible task of sitting through a work day, and waking up a trillion times a night to pee. these things were small compared to my first trimester nausea, until the itching started. i began having sleepless nights with an itching abdomen that had become one inflamed rash, itching palms, and itching soles of my feet. All of this on a body carrying 30 pounds of extra weight. And when I say itching, i mean so absolutely torturous i would sit in the bathtub and cry for hours in the middle of the night. So itchy i sent ricky with $150 to buy any possible itch relieving product at whole foods. So itchy, if it wasn't for the minute amount of self control the Lord gave me, i would have scratched my skin to the point of bleeding. it's one of those things, like labor, you can't possibly convey through words. it was hell. it was worse than the nausea by leaps and bounds. it took me off work, and research says 95% of women in my condition beg the doctors to induce them 2, 3, 4 weeks early. and because of the torture, the doctors allow it! (sad, but true)

i had what was called PUPPS and a condition called CHOLESTASIS. Pupps was an innocent rash that spread from my belly to my legs and arms, and everywhere except my face. it is said to go away the moment you deliver, and it harmless to the baby. it was miraculously healed by a bar of "soap" found at whole foods: pine tar soap. it smells like dirt, but i would lather some on a loofa and scrub my skin raw - every hour i would take my big fat belly into the shower and sit on the ledge, and scrub my rashses to death. the next day the area covered in the rash would be rash free, but would have spread to a new area. i'd do the same ordeal that day, and it took about 2 weeks after discovering my method to be PUPPS free and leave my body no where else for the rash to spread.

this did nothing for the palms and the soles of my feet. this was from a condition called CHOLESTASIS. my liver had stopped working hard enough for both my baby and i and had stopped fully filtering my system. this caused an unbearable itching beneath the skin. i would wake up at night and lay frozen peas on my feet to try to numb them out of the itchiness.

this stopped 1 day before my due date, by the miracle of prayer alone. it also caused a slew of other problems. the doctor's kept pushing induction. i had to have amos monitored every other day. i'll write about this more on another post. so much UNNECESSARY drama. he'd be sleepy when they'd monitor and they'd try to convince me to induce. i was a day late and they'd try and convince me to induce. all the while, amos was inside of me healthy, happy, and waiting for the perfect time to come out.

now back to sunday evening. contractions had started, and once i had secretly timed them on my nifty labor app on my husband's iphone i knew they were pretty consistent. 10 minutes apart? i don't remember exactly, but i told Ricky we had to go and once we got in the car i said, "Babe, i think this is it." i was 9 days late, and we had spent the last week doing puzzles, staring at each other, and going over and over our dreams for our little son. it was the longest 9 days of our lives thus far.

the night was spent dozing in and out. i let Ricky sleep, as i figured the next day this guy was coming and he needed his rest. i kept timing them and around 2AM they got to a painful state. i say that from the perspective of then. if i had any idea the pain i would EVENTUALLY endure i would call those pen pricks. nothing. but at the time, they caused me to hold my breath and close my eyes.

if i could do it again: i would have SHOWERED. that would have been a perfect shower time. if i had known i would be in the hospital for 5 days, unable to shower for 3 of those, i would have showered and probably curled my hair. :)

Ricky would wake up here and there and ask how I was doing. i would tell him good, and show him how close my contractions were getting. at 6AM i was lying in bed and my water broke. it felt like a warm gush of water and went all in my bed and on my floor. disgusting, i know. disgusting and totally awesome because it meant this was for real.

we saw that the water was tinted green, which we knew meant there was meconium. that more or less means little amos had went to the bathroom inside the womb, which could or could not be a sign of fetal distress. if he inhaled the water at any point it could be toxic and very dangerous. it's very common in late babies, and not necessarily a sign of distress.

we knew this, but weren't sure what we should do. our goal was to labor at home as long as humanly possible. until our contractions were at least 3-5 minutes apart. our bradley instructor had suggested when you call the hospital to lie about what time your water broke. hospitals usually give you 24 hours to deliver after your water breaks because of increased chances of infection. Throw in meconium staining and things get serious.

if i could do it again: i would have labored at home longer, MUCH LONGER, not called the hospital, and if i did call not tell them my water broke or was stained. it would have bought me 5 more hours, maybe 12. maybe a whole day. who knows how the scenario would have played out.

at this point i totally underestimated my hospitals obnoxious obsession with intervention, and so we decided, because of the meconium, and because of my cholestasis and all the other drama, it was best to go in now. plus my contractions were about 5 minutes a part. my doula, who was also my bradley instructor, said she would meet us there. we called our hospital and they said to come right in. we grabbed our birth bag and climbed into our little prius in the middle of morning traffic.

birth story.

so i thought it was about time to post my birth story... it's just now become less of a traumatic memory and more of a sweet memory. before i write my own, real life version, i wanted to post the letter our doula wrote us with an hour by hour journal of the event. it was 48 hours of labor... the most intense thing i've ever experienced, but we made it through - and the Lord gave us the greatest gift we could ever ask for!

Dear Amos, 

This is your birth as seen through my eyes. I am your family's doula, Betsy Woods. My role was to be a physical and emotional support for your mom and dad during your birth.  I feel it is important to start from the beginning… not just the event of your birthing, but the beginning of the relationship that I share with your family. 

I heard from your mom and dad in the summer of 2010.  They were interested in childbirth classes and doula support for your birth.  I met with your mom and dad in early June, and talked with them about what kind of birthing experience they wished to have.  I felt an easy connection with your parents, and was excited about seeing them every week for 12 weeks to attend my Bradley classes. 

As my class started, I began to look forward to developing a relationship with your parents (and see your mom’s belly change and grow).  Every week they walked in the door with their pillows and blankets ready to practice their relaxation exercises. Your parents had a very easy-going nature.  Your mom always asked the best questions and was so eager to learn as much information about pregnancy and birth as she could, and your dad was very interested in the entire process, wholeheartedly embracing his role as a father and as your mother's "coach." 

As your arrival time neared, I met with your parents to go over specific comfort measures in labor as well as go over their birth plan.  We talked about options for laboring if you decided to arrive quickly, what we could use in the hospital, when they should call, etc.  I wish you could have seen your mom from the outside…she was beautiful, full of light and love…and she was really pregnant! When I left our final meeting, I could tell we all felt very ready to meet you!

The following are some "Birth Notes" I took before, during, and after your birth:

November 7^th, 2010

5 pm: Mom started to feel some contractions.

8 pm: The contractions were manageable and 8 minutes apart.  Mom and Dad decided to try and rest to prepare for the birth ahead. 

November 8^th, 2010

3 am: Mom was starting to feel a little more uncomfortable with her contractions, and they were coming at 4 minutes apart.

6 am: Mom’s water broke, and there was some slight meconium staining. 

7 am: Mom and Dad called me to let me know that things were starting to happen, and because of the meconium staining they were not comfortable staying at home any longer.  I packed my bags and got ready to meet them at the hospital.

8:15 am: Mom and Dad arrived at Kaiser Permanente and checked into Triage.

8:30 am: I met your mom and dad in Triage and saw that everyone was doing great.  Your mom was managing her contractions very well, breathing deep and closing her eyes with each one.  An exam had revealed that your mom was 3 centimeters dilated. 

9 am: We walked to your mom and dad’s room where we met their first nurse, Sandy.  She suggested an IV for your parents, which they agreed to, and had your mom rest on her side in the bed while she ran the line. 

9:37 am: The IV came out, and mom’s blood pressure checked in at normal levels, but the nurse still wanted mom to stay in bed until the labs came back at “normal.”  Your mom was a trooper and stayed in bed a little while longer while we waited.  Your dad took guesses on when we thought the baby would be born.  I knew better than to say a time, so I wrote my guess down: 12-1am the next morning.  Your dad guessed it would be 2pm and your mom guessed that it would be before midnight.  We all hoped we would meet you soon!

9:47 am: Your mom’s contractions were coming at 7 minutes apart, but were now shorter in length, at 40 seconds long.  We all just wanted to get your mom upright and moving again, to encourage stronger contractions! Especially since the midwife started to mention Pitocin…

10:22 am: Your mom was finally cleared to walk, and we left as soon as we could to walk laps around the labor and delivery unit.  Your dad did an awesome job, holding your mom during the contractions and walking hand in hand with her in-between. 

11:40 am: It was time to go back into the room to get a strip from the monitor on your heart rate.  Your mom was hooked up, and they served her lunch: green Jell-O, sorbet, and chicken broth-yum!

12:04 pm: You mom (and you) started to feel a little sleepy, so you both dozed in between contractions while she was hooked up on the monitor.

12:30 pm: Time to get moving again! This time it was the stairs we tried, to shift the pelvis around and give you some more room to make your way down.  So we started with the endless rounds of stairs (forward and each side), drink, bathroom, and slow dance with daddy.  Your mom persevered and was willing to do or try anything that would make the contractions more regular. 

1:30 pm: Time to go back to the room to get on the monitor! We got your mom a ball to sit on this time while she was being monitored. 

2:30 pm: Midwife came in with “the talk” (where are we going, what are we doing, how long are we willing to wait?) and I watched as your mom and dad used their consumerism and negotiated with her.  It was decided that we would wait one hour, and then assess what was happening with labor at that point.  So off we went to do whatever we could to help labor progress! We walked more stairs, drank more water, took more bathroom breaks, and snuck some bites of a sandwich your grandparents had brought your dad to help you’re your mom some more energy. 

3:10 pm: I urged your parents to get into the shower, partly because it would “buy more time” in terms of the midwife coming back and wanting to do something, but mostly because I knew it would help labor significantly if your mom was able to labor in a dark, safe, soothing environment with your dad.  So I turned on the shower, put some Christmas lights in the bathroom, and closed the door, allowing your parents to be alone, as physical touch and stimulation from the water also helps bring out the natural hormones to move labor along. 

3:30 pm: From the vocalization I heard outside the bathroom door, labor was moving along nicely.  Mom was vocalizing, dad was right there within arms reach providing her emotional and physical comfort, and her contractions were coming stronger, longer, and closer together.  Just by hearing her contractions, I could make these conclusions.  Your parents were working hard and doing fabulous. 

3:49 pm: Shift change, and we got our second nurse, Paula. Midwife Carol came in looking for your mom and wanting to give her Pitocin, but (surprise!) she was in the shower. 

4 pm: We couldn’t hold off any longer, and the midwife wanted your mom in the bed for an examination.  Your mom and dad did a wonderful job of discussing options with the midwife, and carefully evaluating any benefits, risks, and alternatives to the procedures she suggested (Pitocin).  At this point, mom’s contractions were 3-5 minutes apart and a minute long.  She was uncomfortable but coping well.  Your mom and dad refused the examination, and the midwife left the room.  At one point the nurse mentioned that your heart rate was “non-reactive,” but as soon as the midwife left, you got a perfect score on your 20-minute heart rate strip. 

4:30 pm: Mom was lying on her side in the bed, and having regular contractions.  They were starting to lessen in intensity slightly.  By looking at your mom’s contraction pattern, I started to think that you were an OP or OT baby. 

5:13 pm: Midwife Carol came in again, strongly suggesting a vaginal examination, which your mom and dad both refused.  I was impressed by the stance your parents took, and their requests for more information.  The midwife was angry that she didn’t get her way, however, and she unfortunately and unprofessionally stormed out of the room. 

5:30 pm: Mom’s blood pressure was high, and nurse mentioned that your mom had “pregnancy induced hypertension.” I suspected that this was not the case and that rather, your mother had high blood pressure due to what just happened with her midwife! Midwife Carol transferred your mom and dad’s care to the OB on-call. 

5:50 pm: We encouraged your mom to get back in the shower, since she had made the most progress there.  She was making some good contraction sounds, and sounding like things were progressing, as I assumed they would from the dark environment, loving company of your dad, and warm water.  Best of all, Dr. Perez (the OB), decided to leave your mom alone to labor for a while! Your dad snuck out for some dinner provided by your grandparents, and your mom continued to do an amazing job laboring in the shower. 

6:39 pm: Mom wanted to get out of the shower for a while and decided to get in bed, since the nurse had to take her temperature and blood pressure anyway.

7 pm: The OB came into the room to do a dilation check and found that your mom was 4 cm dilated, 90% effaced, and –2 station.  This was devastating news for everyone in the room, as surely something had to happen with all the work your mom was doing.  But I had a feeling that you were somewhat malpositioned and just needed a little more time to figure which way to turn.  The OB said that he wanted to see some change in progress (by numbers) in two hours, and they wanted to monitor your heart rate every 15 minutes. 

8 pm: Dinnertime! Your dad snuck your mom some bites of pizza (she wasn’t supposed to have anything to eat, per hospital policy, but she had been laboring hard and was hungry!) Your mom took turns lying on each side with one leg dangling over the bed.  Her contractions were intense and she was working hard, but your dad and I looked at each other, worried that they weren’t going to be frequent enough to produce the change in the amount of time the OB had given her.  Your dad took the opportunity to talk to your mom about Pitocin, which was a wise decision, knowing that the OB would probably suggest it next time he came in.  I was very struck by your dad and how he went over everything with your mom (benefits, risks, alternatives) before the doctor came into the room, so they had a “game plan” of sorts that they were comfortable with, rather than someone else calling the shots.  Even in labor, your parents were looking out for you and making the best possible choices they could in the moment with what was given to them. 

8:15 pm: The OB came in to do another dilation check, and, as we all feared, there was no change in the numbers.  He suggested Pitocin, as your dad had anticipated, but your parents were ready for this suggestion and had already decided together to go ahead with it. 

9:30 pm: Nurse Grace started the Pitocin on your mom, which was a very hard decision for your parents to make, but the one they knew was necessary due to the time constraints available at the hospital. 

11:07 pm: Your mom was sitting on the birth ball, lightly bouncing.  I warmed up a “rice sock,” a warm compress, to lay across her belly, which was comforting to her.  Her contractions were more intense, and still 3-5 minutes apart.  She was fearful of the strength of the induced contractions, but your dad was right there with her, reminding her to let go of her fears, and that he was going through it with her. 

November 9^th, 2010

12:03 am: Your mom was overwhelmed by the intensity of her contractions, only made worse by the fact she was constricted to the bed because you were showing some decelerations in your heart rate, and the nurse wanted to have you on your side and with an oxygen mask.  Your dad and I continued to give her encouragement, using warm compresses on her belly, some lavender-scented oils, and our words.  Your dad took a very active role and held your mom, reminding her to take one contraction at a time, and telling her how strong and brave she was. 

1:40 am: Your mom got sick (which was a good sign for Ricky and I to see because it meant progress!) and was working extremely hard through her contractions.  She was using some low vocalization, which seemed to help her cope.

1:59 am: Midwife Mary came in to say “hello” and tell us that she was taking us back on, as the other Midwife had transferred your mom’s care to an OB unnecessarily.  Your parents were happy to have Mary there, and hear her encouragement.  Your mom tried a more upright position again, bouncing gently on the birth ball. 

2:44 am: Back in the bed again! Your heart rate kept reading decels, so the nurse asked your mom to lie on her side with oxygen in the bed again.  At this point, your mom was exhausted, frantic, stressed, and scared.  She started pleading with your dad to have an epidural, which was difficult to hear, not because he didn’t want your mom to have an epidural, but because he knew how disappointed your mom would be in herself after the birth.  Your dad mentioned this to your mom, and told her that he wanted her to do what she felt was necessary.  I asked your mom and dad if they wanted to pray about it and discuss it and I stepped out of the room, letting them know that I was still there to answer any questions or address any fears they had.  I knew that they would feel better about the decision if they felt that they had made it, and no one else. 

3 am: The anesthesiologist arrived to prep for the epidural.  Sophia, my backup doula, arrived at the hospital to take over for me for 5 hours.  (I had no childcare in that timeframe for my own two boys, and it also allowed me to take a quick two-hour nap)

4:20 am: A catheter was inserted, and your dad turned down the anesthesiologist’s offer to use adrenaline to bring back mom’s blood pressure after it dropped suddenly from the epidural. 

6:45 am: An internal exam revealed that your mom was 8 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and –1 station, progress finally!

8:30 am: I arrived back at Kaiser to find your mom resting comfortably on the bed on her side with some music playing.  You continued to have some decelerations, and the nurse wanted you to have an oxygen mask on during your contractions.  The nurses decided to turn down the Pitocin, to try to get some better reads on your heart rate. 

10 am: Another exam revealed that your mom was 9 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and now –2 station.  Your mother’s “slow” progress, backwards change in your station, and erratic contraction pattern now only confirmed my suspicions further that you were either OP (Occiput Posterior) or OT (Occiput Transverse).  We just had to figure out which way to turn your mommy so that you could figure out the best way to turn! Unfortunately, your mom was limited in her range of movement, but we did the best we could with what we had!

11:43 am: Your dad moved the back of the bed up, to get your mom as upright as possible, and contractions were coming every 2-3 minutes.  Even through the epidural, your mom was feeling some contractions and pressure. 

12:44 pm: Your mom needed to lie on her side again, due to high blood pressure.  Her contractions were still felt through the epidural, and your mom used breathing to cope through them. 

1 pm: Dr. Perez (the OB) did an internal exam and found that your mom’s dilation had progressed to a “lip” of cervix left.  He could feel your head and confirmed what we now all believed—you were Occiput Transverse.  So you just needed to figure out which way to turn and you would be on your way!

2:45 pm: Another exam—you had turned, but you chose to turn to Occiput Posterior rather than Anterior.  We all shook our heads at this “naughty” baby :o) Your mom was definitely feeling “pushy” at the peaks of her contractions now.

3:30 pm: Pushing time! Your mom tried various positions, both on her side and on her back with feet supported by the squat bar, holding onto a towel.  Your dad gave some great encouragement and a cold washcloth to your mom’s forehead.  Your mom did an awesome job pushing; she listened to her body’s cues and pushed instinctually. 

5:42 pm: You were born! Finally! It was a beautiful scene for everyone involved.  Your parents cried they were so happy to meet you.  After some quick checks, you were placed skin-to-skin, directly on your mom.  Your parents studied your every feature, and told everyone your name—Amos.  You tried your hand at breastfeeding and latched successfully and instinctually, which was just what I was praying for, after this long and hard labor!

Your parents spent a little time with you, and then asked your grandparents and Nina to come into the room to meet their precious boy.  Your dad’s family had been waiting a long time for you to come, sleeping in the hospital and praying for your safe arrival.  They loved you from the moment they knew about you, and were there for your parents right when they needed them.  It was a beautiful moment for me, seeing these parents of parents, with memories and hopes and dreams pouring out of their hearts as they laid eyes on you. 

I left you, your mom and dad, tucked away in their hospital room for some alone time, skin-to-skin time, nursing time, and sleeping time.  As I walked outside into the cool evening air, I couldn't help but think it was the perfect setting to have a baby and thought of the new family of three, cocooned inside in the warmth and love that only a child can bring. 

So while things did not go exactly the way your parents planned, this was how you were brought into the world, and I’m sure you have many more surprises in store for them!

If I had to take one observation or remark about your birth, I know that it would be about the enormous amount of love, devotion, and respect your parents have for each other.  Your dad was so “hands on” with your mom’s pregnancy and your birth. And your mother is SO strong and amazing.  She is determined, and courageous, and just about the kindest person I have ever met.  My small observations about your parents are just a small representation, of what kind of parents I know they will be. 

Your mom had a pretty tough labor, and when she became unsure, doubtful, frustrated, and scared, there was only one person who she turned to for comfort and support --your father.  I love seeing this, because even though mom is so overwhelmed by all the sensations she is feeling, she instinctually grabs his hand, calls out to him, or allows him to hold her up.  This love that brought you into this world, baby, is the same that got you out, and will continue to follow you through your path in life.  

Amos, I am inspired by your parents and the extent of where love can go.  Not only are they deeply in love with one another, now they have you.  Challenging, intense, tender, and exciting are words I would use to describe my experience of your birth.  I hope that when you read this you feel a bond with your parents that goes beyond the typical “mom and dad” label.  I hope you realize your innate relationship.  The three of you are teachers for others.  Sacrifice and change are inevitable, but your family is there.  Be open to the fact that they too are learning, growing, and are doing their best.  What a gift you have received having your parents to lead you through life.

With Love Always,

Betsy Woods