before i finish my story - i did want to add in some further thoughts.
1.) Giving birth hurts. It does, it hurts. But it's not an impossible task. My contractions without pitocin definitely hurt, but were very doable. Even my pitocin contractions were doable - and if it wasn't for the unusual length of my labor, i potentially could have made it through drug free.
I say that it hurts, because that is the reality of it. and I think I owe it to all women who have had babies (you are incredibly strong) and those who will have babies (you will be stronger than you ever thought you could be) to call it what it is.
2.) For the sake of story-telling, I'm adding in the interesting/dramatic parts.
3.) Though I got a little "panicky" and "stressed" by the 2nd midnight of labor, I don't know if I would characterize it as "fear" as many would interpret it. Yes, I was afraid of the next contraction - only because it was going to hurt. Who doesn't flinch at a baseball coming towards their face? I wasn't, however, afraid something was going "wrong" with my body - as it was doing what it's suppose to do! Contract to move Amos from the womb to the world. This was exciting, but not necessarily fun.
4.) Pitocin hurts, but in our case, it worked. It got him out. Do I wonder if avoiding it for longer and moving around more, positioning myself more, etc. would have also done the trick? Of course. But that doesn't negate the fact that the pitocin delivered me a baby. So for that, I gotta tip my hat to the old guy and maybe recant my demonizing. He's a hard worker, but I just wish I could have done the work by myself.
5.) All my doctors and nurses were incredible, except for our one encounter - and I'm sure she was just having a rough day. That was a disappointing situation, but does not take away from the kindness and patience of the others. I was never offered an epidural, per our request, and they were doing what they had been train to do. Use medicine/machinary to aide in labor. If something were wrong, those things would have caught it/helped it and for that I am thankful. Number 5 is a shout out to my nurse mommy, of course.
6.) The hospital was very "medicine-happy" but gave me a successful vaginal birth and a healthy baby boy. They also were there in case I didn't have enough energy to push him out and I needed an emergency c-section. Hospitals are good, but I will have to say not ideal for normal births.
7.) I will have more children. We hope to have at least 5. You know it is endurable if we would willfully choose to do it again. And I would, even if it ran the same course, if it brought me more Amos'. Babies are soooooo worth.
So women, you can do it. ;)