love crosses oceans X: pneumonia

It's pretty crazy that my last post (before my north/south/west post) was about the glories of crawling out of a sick cave with a sick baby.

My absence is due to (COUNT THEM) not one, but TWO bouts of sickness that have hit our home. That's 3 times in 6 weeks. It has probably been some of the most trying moments as a mother. So discouraging and squeezing cries of "help us, Lord" from my weak and exhausted frame.

After Arizona Amos contracted the stomach flu, which was then passed to myself (and my extended family here). I tried to take care of Amos while feeling the sickest I have felt since... I can't even remember. I didn't eat for 4 days, Amos didn't eat for four days. We had a fever and our body was ridding itself of everything within in it was horrible. It also seems like a distant memory from our most recent situation.

A week or so after that had cleared up, Amos developed a pretty unrelenting cough, followed by a low grade fever. I knew it was from some post nasal drainage (which I attributed, perhaps, to teething) and wasn't planning on taking him in for it. By this past Thursday night he was coughing so much, to the point of almost throwing up. He was also wheezing and laboring to breathe.

We took him to urgent care, and they suggested an x-ray. I HATE x-rays, and Amos especially hates x-rays but Ricky encouraged me to go ahead with it - just in case there was something more serious. Lo and behold, he had a the early stages of Pneumonia. Uhhh, I hate even saying it. Little Amos has fluid filled lungs.

After that we did a lot of breathing treatments, a lot of resting, a lot of Sesame Street and naps propped up on 2 pillows. We did shower steams, and lung pats. On Friday evening we took him to a pediatric chiropractor, and saw immediate results in his energy, ability to sleep, drainage, and cough. He seemed to be on the rise, but after a recent examination it seems his lungs are still as filled with fluid and congested as when he was first diagnosed. He is not coughing as much as he should be - which is pretty discouraging. The chiropractor has helped his breathing, though.

With all that said, I would love some prayer. Thankfully my dear friend Courtney as been living with us for the past 2 weeks and has literally been a shining light of the kindness of the Lord. Running on barely any sleep (thankfully I am now caught up), last week she cleaned and disinfected my home, cooked me meals, made me lattes, and just brought the presence of the Lord into our home. Even her moments of entertaining Amos have brought rest. I am so grateful to the Lord for knowing what I would need to get through this time.

Sickness is horrible. I hate it. I just hate it.

While all this was happening, I got this random infection thing on my lips (my lips were one huge crust - it was repulsive), which has spread on my face. It is clearing up, but I have now developed an itchy, horrid rash on my legs.

Ricky attributes this all to stress, which I wouldn't be surprised. I currently do not have health insurance as Ricky's work would charge us $400+ a month to be added to his plan.

It's interesting, the trials the Lord takes us through. I was sitting in worship on Sunday, thinking of how the Lord disciplines and develops us. It is always his kindness. Always his father heart that takes us through difficult times. Even in the midst of exhaustion, worry, and itchy skin - I feel my heart being more prone to cry out to the Lord. For His help. For His presence. For His mercy. And even more, for His coming leadership on the earth - when he makes all things new.

Motherhood is difficult. I don't always talk about those things. I love it, yes, but it invites us into these struggles... not just of tiredness or worry - but of this THING, this unrelenting THING of... busyness. I think. I can't really find the word. It's the concept of laboring for rest. It's so hard to find. There are brief moments, of rest (not just in your body, but in your heart) that as soon as they arrive, are snatched out from under you. It's like you enter into a marathon you can't quit.

How much more do we need the rest that comes from the gospel Jesus has offered? How much more do we need to take on the light yolk Christ gives to us through His blood? How much more do we need communion with Holy Spirit to abide... even to survive?

And so, the OVERWHELMING NATURE that is motherhood - this trial, cloaked in the face of a beautiful boy - is such a gift from God. An invitation to cling, like never before, to the hope and peace Christ offers.

And so, that's why I've been away. I have much more to say. Thoughts have been ruminating within my little soul as I've been doing the daily tasks. Hopefully I can find pockets within the day to express them. Thanks for sticking around.