I’ve rarely written anything of much vulnerability lately.
I’ve rarely written much on anything…

Well, that’s not true, I write tons of little things in little untitled message email boxes
While sitting at work –
But they rarely make it past that.

And anyways,
I thought I should share.
Because who doesn’t like a little raw soul,
A little bloody show,
A little exposure.

I love it.

My own, and others.

Reality, the dirt covered robes,
Worn on this pilgrimage,
Sing the sweetest songs.

And so here it is.

This morning I slept in.

I had my first dream straight from heaven in a long time.
Holy spirit whispering,

And I saw the precious face of this soul within my womb.

He was a man, and I was his mother…
And the world was in the chaos soon to come.

Our hope was His Coming, and you could smell its nearness in the air.

It was real, and I felt deep.

So on my way to work, I stopped by a beloved coffee shop
(the sanctuary for my soul to breathe)
Picked up an ice tea and read a chapter of “Spiritual Depression”
(a dear gift from the beebs)
And it was all about the conviction of our sinfulness, the work of the Father to pour out
His wrath of sin upon the servant-hearted Son, our glorious justification, and final hope in Christ.

And I had this memory, of my dear friend Britney Moore – now the beautiful Britney Chhangur,
When, before I really knew her, I heard her speak about the salvation of Jesus.
We had watched a video about a tribe finally understanding that salvation was through faith – and it was theirs for the taking.
These people all started jumping up and down like mad men and women in this great huddle screaming for joy.
They got it.

Britney went up afterwards and started weeping, in her tender-hearted Britney way, saying over and over, “We’re saved! We’re saved!”

The gospel is glorious.
The invitation is beautiful.

I, who have nothing good within me to offer man nor God,
A desperate sinner, loving self, lazy and confused…
I can be made whole, set free, eternally saved through the work of Jesus Christ.

And it’s more than a ticket to heaven,
As John Piper declares in his book (my ultimate favorite) Future Grace,
It is a ticket for grace to overcome EVERYTHING in this age…
Despair, despondency, anxiety, impatience, anger, lust…
My hope to live well and live full, to have enough money for tomorrow or be a successful mother,
To have joy and to be free,
To not be entangled by the darkness of sin,
To grasp and behold the glory of the Father,
To understand the Word, to serve my brother,
To actually live everyday – that grace, that EMPOWERMENT, that infusion of supernatural strength –
Is because of and entirely through Jesus Christ.

Now for us perfectionists…
The over analytical, introverts.
the first born, overachievers, dreamers,
Self-aware and journaling souls…

This is how we survive this age.

My worry ceases in the truth that all things will work for the good…
Death and my own brokenness, Suffering and delays in promises,
They are there to serve me, for my benefit – to make my life into something good.

And so on the final leg of my work journey,
The long interstates of san diego,
I wept, uncontrollably.

Because the Same Faithful God, who pours out the mercy He loves to give,
Who gave my soul the opportunity of amazing grace,
Saved me from hell, whispered to my heart his secrets at the tender age of 10 and 11…
Who stirred my heart to fall in love with the Bible in high school,
Who burdened my heart to intercession before I even knew what it was called,
Who opened my eyes to His Second Coming,
Who brought me the absolute greatest friends while residing in Texas,
Who kept me from certain men and SOVEREIGNLY brought me my beloved husband to Kansas city,
Who financially provided my entire season at IHOP where I didn’t get a job and just sat in the prayer room for 10 hours a day –
Who put life in my belly, got my husband through the most insane final semesters of college,
Who gave me a well-paying desk job where I get to listen to bible teaching 6 hours a day,
Who healed the hearts of my family, and who delivered me from NUMEROUS BONDAGES,

This God…
He’s the same, today, for me.
He has never done me wrong, ever.
He has never let me down, ever.
He has always come through, always always always.


I am saved – and this salvation cannot be stolen away…


He is good. What He does is good.
Salvation is beautiful.
Eternity will be glorious.
And the Son of God has stolen this heart.



Amen&amen.



[08.09.2010]