some thoughts, real ones, in paragraph form. // these glorious moments...

there are about a dozen meaty blog posts i've thought about doing lately. meaty, as in, actual thoughts articulated into sentences and paragraphs and so forth. this is a rarity in the life of a mother who does all her online business in 5-10 minute increments while little amos flips through his picture books or finds a piece of string to play with that catches his attention.

those allow for some uploaded pictures with small summaries. nothing of much intelligence - i mean let's be honest.

amos' grandpa, "papa", picked him up today and took him to the zoo. later he's going to go christmas shopping with his grandma. i packed up my bible, notebook, laptop and headed to panera.

like the ol' days.

so i thought i'd give a more thorough update. i know i have some newer readers that may be interested, or may not, either way it's okay. i think it's good for a growing mind to write. especially for a writer to write. i think i'm a writer. maybe?

and something has to be done when your husband is in a perpetual state of learning as he attends graduate school classes and talks with the "intellectuals" every night of the week. i don't want to be THAT wife who doesn't even know what's going on in the news... or starts talking baby talk to every adult she encounters.

at least, for us, that wouldn't work. we are public radio nerds who thrive off of a healthy, civil debate. and baby talk isn't very sexy.

and so here are some of the thoughts of a mom of a toddler who's greatest interaction with the outer world happens via NPR, blogs (does that even count?), and my husband's midnight conversations.





- i am almost done with my christmas shopping. i tried really hard to shop as local and/or as handmade as possible. why? because i'm a LOCAL, HANDMADE SNOB!  no, no just kidding. it's because i actually financially survive on hand made goods. and hopefully soon will sell them local. when someone buys from me it may actually enable me to move into a two bedroom apartment where my son can have his own room with his clothes on little hangers (and not just shoved in a falling apart ikea dresser) and cool, kid artwork on the wall and maybe a child's easel and rocking horse. or i don't know. all the cool stuff that makes up a nursery/kid's room. so, i'm sowing what i want to reap. *cough cough* buy from me!

- we are currently in the middle of training Amos to sleep in his crib all night, and hopefully phasing out night nursing to help him sleep through the night - or at least have only one night waking. amos slept in our little bed up until he was 9 or 10 months, and then, slept in his crib for half the night and in our bed the other half. i am wanting to a do a more thorough post on this in the future (add that to the never-ending list of to-do's). this process has, honestly, been the most difficult parenting endeavor i've went on thus far. it's included lots of sleepless nights, literally sleeping in his crib, sitting outside the crib watching him cry his eyes out, and so forth.

i truly believe it is in his best interest to be independent and confident. i knew it in my heart the time to make each transition. amos is aware that his mama loves him and she is going nowhere. last night was the first night in a couple weeks that i felt we were making headway. he awoke after about 4 hours (as he always does) and i picked him up and nursed him very shortly, delatched, rocked him, cradled him and then laid him down. when he realized he was in his crib he started screaming and i did the whole process even longer - rocking him for even longer and got the same results so i just let him cry while i sat outside his crib. he just watched me and cried and cried... and it was an almost tearless cry - which i know to be one more of frustration and anger rather than fear. his dad was snoring on the bed, his mom was looking in his eye, and all he needed to do was lay down. he even knows how to put himself to sleep, he just refused to do so. poor little guy.

but, the grand thing about last night, is that he cried for awhile (a long while) watching me... and then he stopped, and fell asleep. he slept until the morning, and he stood up and made a little whimper. i said, "ricky! ricky! go get him! he made it through the night!" and ricky swept him out of the crib and amos was giggling... for real, he was as happy as ever.

the crazy thing about little children growing up, is that their iniquity is unveiled. amos, in all honesty, probably idolizes me. probably idolizes the breast. i mean, this little boy needs a Savior. to become at peace with God. and all i'm called to do is, "train him up in the way he should go so he won't depart from it." i'm not meant to replace God for him. in some ways, at a certain point, i don't even think i'm suppose to be his entire source of comfort. and that's no easy revelation to embrace as a mom. there is something so wonderful about being his source of food, happiness, joy, you fill in the blank... but there is this moment, and you'll know it when it comes, where it's time to point him to something greater - and with that comes refrain, comes discipline, comes, perhaps, a little hurt.

so now is the time to train him up in the way he should go... and I don't even know exactly what that looks like. for the here and now. for a little toddler. but i'm praying for understanding. and i'm praying that even in those moments of sheer frustration that he can't get his way, and that things are changing, and that he has to sleep alone in a crib - God will move in... that He will reveal Himself to a little one year old... that He will whisper, in words Amos can understand, I am the River of Living Water - I am your Reward.





- on a less serious note, but almost as serious, i believe when a person finishes graduate school, i think they deserve the greatest congratulations. especially if they are married. ESPECIALLY IF THEY HAVE A FAMILY. the amount of work and dedication my husband has put in this semester (and will be putting in for 4 more semesters) is unbelievable. i had no idea what would be required of him - and am continually blown away by his perseverance. this is obviously when i settle out of my own disgruntled annoyance that i'm alone 95% of the time. when the dust settles, amos is down for the night, and i'm sitting in my living room with all the toys to be picked up and dinner to be warmed up for my soon to be home husband, i realize he is doing this so that i can continue to stay home. it's not easy living off one income in southern california.  i mean, it's practically impossible unless you married a doctor or lawyer, who chances are, is never home either. ricky's doing this so that in 3 semesters, when more babies will come and Amos will want to play catch, he can be there knowing i was with his kids all day - and we can eat fresh produce, and have a kitchen big enough to cook in, and a driveway to park are car - and even, Lord willing, a small family vacation.

moral of that story, i'm thankful i didn't marry a dud, you know? so thankful.

and so thankful my 9-5 includes moments like these:

my chris farley baby.

----


here's to the closing of 2011. can you believe we only have a couple more weeks? wow, thank God we made it through.

stay tuned: tonight 2 new giveaways and the winner of our first giveaway for the custom christmas labels. this giveaway and this giveaway are still open so GO ENTER! :)