our new home + nostalgia (the ache that makes our heart reach for eternity)

it seems likes ages ago, but i want to blog about closing and moving into our new home. house hunting (for first-timers) is the most confusing and intense process ever. it's way more time consuming then i had ever imagined - and like a second job - both in hunting and in escrow (aka the 30 days it takes between them accepting an offer and you moving in.) 

thankfully my husband did most of the logistics, and i did a lot of paper scanning and mindless work. 

but praise the Lord! we closed the day after Valentine's day. almost 3 weeks to date before Lucia made her arrival. here's some play by plays via instagram.

packing up our small apartment was a process we started when we began looking back in the fall. that part didn't seem too intense, even though amos was left to his own while i rummaged through closets and cabinets. this was what my little apartment looked like at the end of each day those final 2 weeks.

ricky had been out of town the two days before we signed our papers. it was pretty crazy, as his flight in New York city got postponed until the next meeting, and immediately after i picked him up from the airport we had to drive straight to the mortgage place to sign.

thankfully my mom flew in the day before we moved out, and here we are waiting to pick her up at the airport. SHE HONESTLY SAVED THE DAY! (as she always does)

this was taken Friday, the 15th when we got the call that the loan was funded and the house was officially ours! (that's how amos use to do thumbs up)

the mighty movers. my brother-in-law michael, my husband's boxer cousin simon, and my awesome husband. we filled up that uhaul TWICE. ridiculous.

the final moments in our apartment... so bittersweet.

our first meal in our new home. our wonderful friends made us ethiopian food. so grateful to the Lord!

my mom and Amos enjoying our front yard and his box fort. a yard has been one of the greatest blessings since moving here (especially with the baby and nursing all the time). Amos has spent hours upon hours exploring.

our first family dinner at the house. diane (on the left) is renting out our front bedroom, and has been such a delight in our house. i just love seeing her come and go and living life with her in this season! Amos loves it SOOOOOO much.

 our new couch and moving/building/cleaning. i still feel like there are random piles of things that still haven't found a place. all the process, i suppose.

leaving our apartment was hard. it symbolizes so much to me now. it came at such a transitional time. it represents my first years as a mother. my alone time with amos. my memories of him as a baby - his babbling, and crawling, and chubby legs. his first bites of food and his first nights in his crib. our hours spent in my nursing chair, and the hundreds of block towers and train track cities we built. our moments as a family of three, sealed up in that little place.

we went back to pick up a package a couple days after we left to find it being torn apart and made anew. i snuck out and cried and asked amos if he wanted to say goodbye (he was missing it too). we went in and he said, "goodbye kitchen. goodbye living room. goodbye bedroom."

my little heart was saying goodbye too. i went into the car and cried. even now i want to cry.

nostalgia you feel towards your years as a child, or times with friends before marriage and work. it is only a small glimpse into the nostalgia you will feel as your children grow and change. it has been a tidal wave for me, as i have never been emotional about amos growing up. suddenly, as i said goodbye to the familiar - as i hold a tiny, fresh infant in my arms day after day, the realization he will continue to grow, continue to embrace independence, continue to distance himself more from the womb his life began in... my heart aches with a nostalgia that only the Lord can reach.

and i am seeing idols in my heart, rooted deeply. they peek up in different moments of my day. i am asking the Lord to come in that place and become my greatest delight. that my heart would look towards Zion, towards His coming, and not behind at the sweet seasons that lay in the dusty footprints that trail... it's a prayer i've had to pray as each season folds into the next. saying goodbye to friends, and comforts, and joys. watching that which my heart found delight in, the good gifts from Jesus, be transformed into new gifts. the old ones can only stay for so long, in His wisdom he draws boundaries to keep our hearts ever reaching for the True Delights, only found at His right hand.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for this. I started crying as well. We moved to Lakeside with Adam's grandfather one month after Aurora was born. We lived in a little two bedroom in La Mesa and when I read your post I too remembered the days of Adeline as a baby, us as a smaller family in a cozy place. But God is moving us from glory to glory and change is good, change makes us grow.


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