I never understood how deep of a sacrifice it was when family's sold their house and everything inside to move to the mission field. Willfully choosing a small flat in europe, or a hut in Africa seemed so glorious, adventerous. And of course, I'm sure it is. But once you have a family you realize it's one thing to find comfort in a small space, it's another to function as a mother with children in a small space.
We live in a one bedroom apartment 5 minutes from downtown San Diego. Amos' crib is shoved against the wall, blocking one and a half of our 2 bedroom windows. He doesn't have a play room. His toys are quarantined to a wicker basket directly next to our kitchen table. This is a luxury, to some, especially those in third world countries. I know this. Even so, often my flesh arises (especially since Amos started walking) that says, "I WANT A HOUSE!" or even a second bedroom. Not only do I want a house, but I want a dishwasher, room on my bathroom sink to do my makeup, and more than 10 inches of counter space for cooking. I want COMFORT. I want EASE. My flesh loves these things.
Then I remember that small trials, those that may seem silly to some, are actually being used to make me holy. They are a tool, by the Lord, to craft me into His likeness. I'm learning to find my satisfaction and comfort in Him, and not the amenities of today that the world tries to convince me "I deserve."
And so, for now, I continue to remind myself that God is using our limited space and cramped quarters not only for my good, but for Amos'. He is not "missing out" or "being deprived" of a full childhood - but that this is exactly what the Lord knew he needed to be created into the man the Lord desires. It's hard, sometimes, because I want Amos to be able to run around in the back yard with his big family dog and not just run back and forth in our living room - but, hey, that's what parks are for, huh?
With that being said, on our vacation we visited some family of family that live in a BEAUTIFUL HOME in New Jersey, with a super green and happy backyard. Amos had the time of his life, and the Lord reminded me of His goodness. He's giving me the desires of my heart, even if in smaller doses. ;)
|Looking at robin's eggs with grandpa.|