hallelujah.

my baby slept through the night for the first time since he was born.

i stumbled upon this video today - and had the last 9 months of memories flood my heart. even that afternoon when Amos came into the world. how much my heart has grown in love towards him. how he's made me a different person. how the Lord is good, so very good to us, to let us partner in watching new life be brought forth.

and here i am. 9 months later. i would read mother's words, as they wrote about their children, about their journey - and it was so incomprehensible to me. so disconnected.

i don't think i've ever worked harder than i have this year. i can't remember what it's like to choose which position i sleep in, or sit at a coffee shop reading - uninterrupted, or to eat a meal without first considering another's hunger.

and it's all a beautiful place to find yourself in. selfishness, the kind you didn't even know dwelt within you, is pulled out like a swallowed string by a helpless little boy. sanctification is a gift he gives me, and for that i am so very thankful.

and it all comes from the Lord. who has saved me, made my heart new, called me into His kingdom of life, welcomed me into a eternal family to dwell in an everlasting city, with a resurrected body - to forever gaze on His beauty.

this is my reality.

and while i wait to see that which is unseen to be revealed in all its fullness, and all its glory - i get to walk out my days with a family - full of mothers and sisters and brothers and fathers and sons and daughters. this family i've been given. and i'm thankful for what it represents - for what it is pointing to.

the love i have for Amos. the nearness i feel with Ricky. the protection i feel from my father. the acceptance given from my mother. and the journey i've walked with my sister that reminds me to carry on - these things are only a downpayment of what's to come.

because the Father has called for a family, and the Son has asked for a Bride.
and this is who i am. this is who we are.

hallelujah.