Today I don't know what to write. This is a group post we are meant to post at the same time so we can link together. I'm having a week that is sprinkled with failures and inadequacies. I suppose every week is filled with those in our human existence, but some weeks they are much more prominent than others.
This week I forgot to post because I tried going to bed at 8:30 last night due to extreme exhaustion. I had skipped dinner in a rush to get Amos to bed, only to realize skipping dinner had lead me not to be able to sleep. My head is spinning trying to wrap my arms around each of my roles in life. A mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a homeowner, a maid (let's be real), a cook, an organizer, a business owner, a designer, an artist, a writer, and the list goes on. Some of these roles are a much higher priority than others, but it would be silly to act as if others have disappeared in the light of the more important ones.
I think the most difficult aspect, as of right now, is not the time management side. I've grown in this area much over the past 26 years... specifically the past 3 - a post for another day. The ones that are troubling me now are the relational ones - having enough to give in every area. I want to spend quality time (both one on one and together) with each of my children every day. I want to spend quality time with my husband each and every day. I want to maintain community. I want to serve my neighborhood and church. I want to keep up a friendship with those in my life that live far away but I have committed my heart to. I want to honor my mother and father by keeping up relationship with them. and most importantly, I want to have a genuine relationship with the Lord. One that involves dialogue and thought and TIME.
How do I do this? I honestly have no idea. When I feel particularly successful in one arena, I feel like an utter failure in another. Example, this week I have purposely set forth to spend hours each day with each child despite tasks that need to be done. I obviously always do this, but I was trying to be intentional about unbroken time - giving them patience, gentleness, full attention. You know, embracing the hidden Mary within and trying to tell the Martha that roars "no". This is very specific with Amos - it involves activities, outside time, etc. I found myself last night, almost crying, because I feel like I felt like I missed Ricky - which is crazy because he is finally home every evening. I had had full days with my kids, but by the time he came home I was rough, short, and impatient. On top of all this, I have promised phone calls I have to make to friend - and the list continues. Not counting all the undone tasks.
I guess I do not have any profound points to make. I am LEARNING to be a mother of two. Gosh, I'm learning to be a mother of one. I'm learning to be a loving and servant-hearted wife - and I'm coming up on year 4.
Ultimately, because of the cross and Jesus' death and resurrection there is hope for me. There is hope that He will work all things for the good of those who love Him. He will take my broken attempts at mothering, at being a loving counterpart in all my relationships and make them beautiful - make them count - make them GOOD. He has given me every gift to succeed in these arenas. He sent me the Holy Spirit to HELP. He will give me wisdom if only I ask.
So the gospel gives me answers/direction/wisdom, but even before I have them, Christ gives me hope they will come. I am not alone. Amen and Amen.
|the ones that give me the roles i am so honored to walk out, even in their trial and hardship.|
check out the posts over at After His Smile HERE and Mike + Brit HERE.
we would love to hear your stories on how the Lord is revealing His gospel in your home. either leave a link below to your personal post, or share a photograph on instagram with a few sentences how the Lord has been teaching them about the gospel in your home. make sure to use the hashtag #thegospelinherhome