who couldn't love him???


beginning again

I spent the weekend with my wonderful mother.
Pictures will be posted soon – as I need to spice up this blog anyways.
She left this morning, and now I am struck with homesickness.
Which rears its head, in an intense way, about every two months.
I love my mom.
She’s such a wonderful, precious woman.
You can just feel the delight the Lord has for her when you are with her.

She flew in for my husband’s graduation.
He will tell you it’s not that big of a deal, as he should have graduated 2 years ago…
His only delay was 2 years of ministry, and a semester of obedience to the Lord that lead him to IHOP
And sealed the deal with me.
So, his delay is for worthy causes – I do believe.

I am so proud of him.

Not because he’s smart, but of course he is.
I do love a man who listens to NPR with me, and reads books with me, and talks politics with me, and theology, and psychology, and takes thoughts past what is heard and known and develops new concepts/ideas. A man who challenges me.
We’re nerds and will produce nerdy children.

And its not necessarily because of what a degree will bring.
The opportunity to make enough money that I can stay home with my children,
Maybe write, maybe design,
Maybe not have to do a job that requires absolutely zero thinking ability –
And do what I was made to do.

It’s mostly because of perseverance.
In a culture where college degrees are rare –
When he took on a wife and a home and a full time job
When his heart stood strong in the midst of humanism and false doctrines
He just kept going. To the end.

That is a beautiful, commendable thing.
And I love him because of it.

So we had a glorious weekend.
Had conversation after conversation with my mother and it was so incredibly refreshing.
We talked about my dear grandmother who passed away last month and all that her life was.
We remembered the beauty of the leadership in our lives… the wisdom of the paths He put us on.
We drank chais and coffees and she had her first Americano.
We walked a peer, ate French fries, and watched the most intense episode of Grey’s anatomy.
She did my dishes and ironed my husband’s shirts, and bought me clothes that stretch with my growing belly.
We missed my sister, and ate dinners, and took many many walks.

My heart was so full. To have 2 of my favorite people around me, probably the two people who love me the most (minus my poppy of course) was overwhelming in a wonderful way! I’m so grateful.

Now that Ricky is done with school, (and I in some way feel done also) – it’s time to set new goals,
Or atleast obtain vision.
The power that pulled me away from IHOP and across the country to this town was the reality
Ricky needed to finish his degree.
Now, the reasons are gone, and here we are.
What’s next?
What does life hold?
Where will we go?

I for one plan to do the following things:
1.) Really focus on decorating my home…
2.) Record some music that has yet to be recorded
3.) Create a website and get a design business running
4.) Take voice lessons
5.) Get a sewing machine that actually works and LEARN
6.) Study the Bible with my husband!
7.) Go back over my prophetic history and ask the Lord to remind me…
8.) Buy every Sara Groves album
9.) Finalize a book that I’m going to move forward on writing
10.) Keep up on dishes and keep clothes on hangers

And anyways..
Sunday was Pentecost.
Fresh winds, tongues of fire, a new wineskin.
Its meaning echos in the finalizing of one season and a walk into another.
Jesus Spirit is here, with us, in Me. And He is calling, inviting…

Beautiful He is, and I am willing.

Hello new day. You are warmly welcomed into the home of my heart.


Step step step away
Let the light of the flame
Singe your face
Back to this and that
Faceforward into burning light

Like a moth, like a moth, like a moth in the dusty night.
He flies straight into the blaze.


this great Mystery...

I, at moments, can sit in my little work chair typing away - when my love for Ricky overwhelms my heart and my eyes well up and my heart awakens. Love is a subject overdone by greater writers than myself. Yet, love is this beautiful thing that I can't run away from.

And I think that's the beauty of it all. I can hide my face from the Lord, whose Love is the sun and my dear husband is merely a moon - reflecting His rays into my heart in the midnight hour… but in those dark moments, the Sun feels so absent, but the moon guides me home. Even in the brightest shining day he can be found. He's the physical constant - the great reminder - the Lord's shining love is always there.

And he's not perfect. And his lack of perfection has nothing to do with my love. All a strange concept in itself. What makes my heart erupt in gratitude, more than anything, is His nearness. Maybe it's oneness - something which seems so undefinable. But even this oneness, this great gift, makes his imperfection even more intrusive. Yet my love grows.

Because there he is. And the more HE IS, the more I love. The more memories that he's interwoven in, the more I love. The more tears that he went through, even without full understanding, the more I love. The more I can say - we were there, and now we are here - the more I love.

And this thing, this oneness, this fuel to a flame, isn't always comfortable. But even its discomfort I love. It reminds me I'm alive, I'm in need, I'm wretched, poor, naked, and blind. It reminds me how ugly I am, how ugly WE are, yet how much the Sun continues to illuminate our sky.

I curl up under the blanket, hide my face, and cry because I miss the Sun. The night is cold. Yet my silly heart should merely turn to my side, and feel He who is love, speaking through this man who won't leave - no matter how loud I yell, or how many dishes I leave undone. And I couldn't leave him unless I choose wickedness, unless I turned my back on all things good and beautiful.

And this holy, invisible force that keeps us together - in this oneness - is evidence there is a God. A beautiful, loving God who wrote this whole drama to point to a Godman who chose a wife for Himself. His love and his story is stamped even in the most mundane of life. The arising in the morning, the brushing of the teeth, and the long drives to Sunday evening dinners.

Ricky is my moon. And I love him because he's always in my sky.

Even more it's the Light that I love. I love the Light. And one day the moon, and my dark lifeless soul - so dead without the heat of day, and even the survival of the night - will embrace the Sun with a nearness we've never known.