a mother's musings.

today while working on my little computer screen a preview for a little boy's movie came on and my heart exploded and my eyes welled up because to mother a son is a glorious thing watching bravery be unearthed from within and an understanding of a God above him hover down into his ever-growing heart i am she who housed his frame as it grew and grew and grew a little baby full of fat and promise and i sustained him by my breast yet slowly he grew and ran faster than i could keep up climbing ladders and jumping off cliffs or so he thought while sailing from the kitchen chair to the ground below swimming under the blankets that hover as a deep sea diver exploring and learning what it means to be a man and i cuddle him to set him free into a world that needs men real men who don't give up or give in who love violently and fiercely and create the things we have only dreamed who cry out to God, and bend down to hold the hand of the violated and poor so today i celebrate the thrilling and heart wrenching uphill climb of a boy becoming a man and a mother calling forth the fullness of what that will be.

sleeping under contrast.

awoke to the foot of my bed

illuminated like a sparkler against the holiday night sky
like eyes of a cat, caught in the beam of headlights
like a burning bush, crackling and throwing away it’s spark
           without losing flame

i’m still the same girl, from long ago, in a body stretched and worn
from time, circumstance, small bodies - with small fingers and toes

 i’m still the same woman, curled up under vacant ceilings and barren walls
inwardly reclining into the only Comfort that remains

eyes like glass, like mirrors, reflecting the flashing light
prisms - always moving to and fro, like empty bowls filling up
         fill me up, Oh Ancient glory, let me overflow

puppetry upon the wall, shadows of myself basking in the light of You
here I am fixated. longing. still inwardly screaming to let You burn me.

let me reach these tired arms out, out, into the high degree of Love
that i’m charred, ruined, marked

 always awake.

grand Mystery, making known, to myself, in the moments stretched between awake and asleep
a soul at rest, and You sing to me, from within the Fire, from within the Flame

You are concrete, that I’ll settle my feet into

You are flesh and bone, that I’ll let my tears fall onto

You are radiating light, that I’ll fall down upon
          because I’d rather burn with You
          and be illuminated
           than live a thousand days ruling my own kingdom from a dark, crumbling castle.

 Wake me up again, O Giver of Life. Wake me up again.