thoughts:

- i'm not very photogenic. i mean, my faces? my expressions? any angle but straight on is terrifying!
- i ate way too many pastries today and i haven't eaten a pastry since like 2005 or something like that. (not helping point #1 i'm sure)
- my heart is encouraged by the life of david, STILL. that man made some SERIOUS mistakes and it is still said of him in Acts that he did "the full will of God." Oh man, our Father is merciful!
- i am super excited for Easter. Why? because Jesus rose again and i have hope!
- counting down the days until ricky has a normal life. about 60 more days or so!
- days move forward, and i still would drop everything and move to ihop. i just LOVE that community - and it keeps growing! no fair!
- i need discipline in my spiritual life as of late, and i feel all flabby in the heart because i can't fast. Lord, open my eyes!

life:

hello little bean! we love you!

So at 11 AM Ricky drove up to my work complex and picked me up. An english muffin with turkey, cheese and pesto was wrapped in a papertowel, missing a bite. We drove to our first baby appointment, as I grilled him about his family's genetics and medical history.

How incredible to see our little bean swimming (or maybe at this point, just growing) within my belly. Ricky was fascinated by the little heart beating so quickly, and when we got our ultra-sound pictures he studied them for the rest of the appointment as our midwife talked to me about various things.

It was amazing, and I think Ricky finally fully believes I'm really pregnant. :)

---

In other news, the IHOP prayer room has really been ministering to my heart lately. I usually don't listen to it very often, as the bad mix in sound irks me a tad. Pathetic, I know. However, since my recent, and incredibly embarassing, addiction to comedies on hulu - I figured it was a better use of my time. Plus, this isn't just about me and my little spirit now - there is a little bean who is a little life taking in all I am too.

---
Oh! and tonight I need to research sewing machines. Ricky bought me one from target a couple weeks ago - but it ended up being not so good at all... so, now to research something a little more sustainable. Any suggestions?

lovelovelove.
the valdez family.

today while at work, i listened to one of the best sermons for my heart in this season.
it's from the series by mike bickle on the life of david:
5 Prophetic Seasons in David's Training

i wish i could recap well, but just listen to it.
such vision cast for such mundane, boring seasons.

as i find myself in now.

updates:
- i bought my first maternity clothes yesterday.
 - "what God has joined together, let no man separate. remove everything that hinders, let no sin get in the way."
- i've become addicted to TV via the internet since I became pregnant, and too tired to do anything productive. it's so dumb! and i hate it. and i want to stop. (we don't even own a TV for this precise reason)
- i am reading the most incredible and well written book on apologetics by Chuck Colson titled "The Faith"
- i've also become a pathetic housewife lately. please don't walk into my home.

well, that's all for now.
i think i should go reread old prophecies and remember what He's said.

love, t.



ps. here's a shapshot of the two lovers who graced our home a couple weekends ago and the bff skyping.

kiteflying.

so i felt sick and we skipped church,

but made it to the beach (2 blocks from our home) to walk our kite.

it's not as good as a puppy, but maybe one day.

today's revelation (understood but hard to walk out)...

i can't earn God's favor.

His commitment to me is much stronger and more fierce, than my commitment to Him.

amen.

so i'm really not the best writer...
after reading genius blogs like this one
or beautifully composed blogs like this one
i sorta avoid the whole "blog that no one reads" ordeal.


but that's sorta dumb, or to better state it, incredibly dumb, and i think defeats the entire purpose of having a blog. and now that i have written 2 measly paragraphs about "to blog or not to blog" i shall begin.


my thought is: i am pregnant. being pregnant is a whole lot like being engaged. it's this miserable, torturous limbo filled with weird preperations and deep contemplations. i've only known for about 2 weeks - and i already feel like an entirely different human. i can barely stay awake enough to do anything productive, and any smell other than winterfresh gum makes me want to throw up my lunch. they say these are only 1st trimester woes, but who ever knew the joy of motherhood launches on such a painful foot!


but then, of course, you endure. not just because you have to - but because for the first time in your life, your achiness, sickiness, nausea is for a bigger and better purpose which extends even beyond yourself. it's for this other life... this hidden, invisible soul swimming around in your belly. this IMMORTAL being, who will one day, God-willing, call on the name of the Lord, be filled by the Spirit of the Everliving God, and be part of the greatest hour human history has ever known. This unknown being will live FOREVER.


and that makes all the difference.


and i was thinking, how incredibly reckless is seems that God has put the power of procreation in the hands of weak humans. i know that statement could easily become a calvinist's holiday... but regardless of theological murmurings... i could have chosen to get married or not get married. and i think, even with the various divine interventions, we sorta chose when to hold off on having a baby or when to start trying. i mean, there were CHOICES. and utlimately, those choices lead to this immortal human creature who will, God willing, be forever an inheritance to the King of Kings.


The Son truly longs for partners. Co-heirs. Fellow laborers. It is absolutely undeniable - He has even given us entrance into the process of creation. Creation of his family.


Wow.

i've been terrible at posting.

mostly because there is a little child in my stomach the size of a pea

sucking all my energy from my body and making me want to throw up every 30 seconds.

:)


it's an exciting, thrilling adventure.
this thing called life.

and the other day as i sat and thought about what lie ahead...

baby, and ricky, and usd graduations, and moving?, and eventually the tearing down of one kingdom to bring in an everlasting one,

i heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me, so tenderly,

"motherhood is a great invitation unto full preparation. it is here you learn to die to yourself, and count it all as loss."

i will go my way up the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense.

for me, He says, this is my way.

how joyfully i bow to His leadership.

let's see how this all works for our good. 

because we love Him.

we do.

i am thankful for the instant family you gain through marriage.

i am thankful for this man, with a heart that never gives up.

hallelujah.