who couldn't love him???
5.27.2010
5.25.2010
beginning again
I spent the weekend with my wonderful mother.
Pictures will be posted soon – as I need to spice up this blog anyways.
She left this morning, and now I am struck with homesickness.
Which rears its head, in an intense way, about every two months.
I love my mom.
She’s such a wonderful, precious woman.
You can just feel the delight the Lord has for her when you are with her.
She flew in for my husband’s graduation.
He will tell you it’s not that big of a deal, as he should have graduated 2 years ago…
His only delay was 2 years of ministry, and a semester of obedience to the Lord that lead him to IHOP
And sealed the deal with me.
So, his delay is for worthy causes – I do believe.
I am so proud of him.
Not because he’s smart, but of course he is.
I do love a man who listens to NPR with me, and reads books with me, and talks politics with me, and theology, and psychology, and takes thoughts past what is heard and known and develops new concepts/ideas. A man who challenges me.
We’re nerds and will produce nerdy children.
And its not necessarily because of what a degree will bring.
The opportunity to make enough money that I can stay home with my children,
Maybe write, maybe design,
Maybe not have to do a job that requires absolutely zero thinking ability –
And do what I was made to do.
It’s mostly because of perseverance.
In a culture where college degrees are rare –
When he took on a wife and a home and a full time job
When his heart stood strong in the midst of humanism and false doctrines
He just kept going. To the end.
That is a beautiful, commendable thing.
And I love him because of it.
So we had a glorious weekend.
Had conversation after conversation with my mother and it was so incredibly refreshing.
We talked about my dear grandmother who passed away last month and all that her life was.
We remembered the beauty of the leadership in our lives… the wisdom of the paths He put us on.
We drank chais and coffees and she had her first Americano.
We walked a peer, ate French fries, and watched the most intense episode of Grey’s anatomy.
She did my dishes and ironed my husband’s shirts, and bought me clothes that stretch with my growing belly.
We missed my sister, and ate dinners, and took many many walks.
My heart was so full. To have 2 of my favorite people around me, probably the two people who love me the most (minus my poppy of course) was overwhelming in a wonderful way! I’m so grateful.
Now that Ricky is done with school, (and I in some way feel done also) – it’s time to set new goals,
Or atleast obtain vision.
The power that pulled me away from IHOP and across the country to this town was the reality
Ricky needed to finish his degree.
Now, the reasons are gone, and here we are.
What’s next?
What does life hold?
Where will we go?
I for one plan to do the following things:
1.) Really focus on decorating my home…
2.) Record some music that has yet to be recorded
3.) Create a website and get a design business running
4.) Take voice lessons
5.) Get a sewing machine that actually works and LEARN
6.) Study the Bible with my husband!
7.) Go back over my prophetic history and ask the Lord to remind me…
8.) Buy every Sara Groves album
9.) Finalize a book that I’m going to move forward on writing
10.) Keep up on dishes and keep clothes on hangers
And anyways..
Sunday was Pentecost.
Fresh winds, tongues of fire, a new wineskin.
Its meaning echos in the finalizing of one season and a walk into another.
Jesus Spirit is here, with us, in Me. And He is calling, inviting…
Beautiful He is, and I am willing.
Hello new day. You are warmly welcomed into the home of my heart.
Pictures will be posted soon – as I need to spice up this blog anyways.
She left this morning, and now I am struck with homesickness.
Which rears its head, in an intense way, about every two months.
I love my mom.
She’s such a wonderful, precious woman.
You can just feel the delight the Lord has for her when you are with her.
She flew in for my husband’s graduation.
He will tell you it’s not that big of a deal, as he should have graduated 2 years ago…
His only delay was 2 years of ministry, and a semester of obedience to the Lord that lead him to IHOP
And sealed the deal with me.
So, his delay is for worthy causes – I do believe.
I am so proud of him.
Not because he’s smart, but of course he is.
I do love a man who listens to NPR with me, and reads books with me, and talks politics with me, and theology, and psychology, and takes thoughts past what is heard and known and develops new concepts/ideas. A man who challenges me.
We’re nerds and will produce nerdy children.
And its not necessarily because of what a degree will bring.
The opportunity to make enough money that I can stay home with my children,
Maybe write, maybe design,
Maybe not have to do a job that requires absolutely zero thinking ability –
And do what I was made to do.
It’s mostly because of perseverance.
In a culture where college degrees are rare –
When he took on a wife and a home and a full time job
When his heart stood strong in the midst of humanism and false doctrines
He just kept going. To the end.
That is a beautiful, commendable thing.
And I love him because of it.
So we had a glorious weekend.
Had conversation after conversation with my mother and it was so incredibly refreshing.
We talked about my dear grandmother who passed away last month and all that her life was.
We remembered the beauty of the leadership in our lives… the wisdom of the paths He put us on.
We drank chais and coffees and she had her first Americano.
We walked a peer, ate French fries, and watched the most intense episode of Grey’s anatomy.
She did my dishes and ironed my husband’s shirts, and bought me clothes that stretch with my growing belly.
We missed my sister, and ate dinners, and took many many walks.
My heart was so full. To have 2 of my favorite people around me, probably the two people who love me the most (minus my poppy of course) was overwhelming in a wonderful way! I’m so grateful.
Now that Ricky is done with school, (and I in some way feel done also) – it’s time to set new goals,
Or atleast obtain vision.
The power that pulled me away from IHOP and across the country to this town was the reality
Ricky needed to finish his degree.
Now, the reasons are gone, and here we are.
What’s next?
What does life hold?
Where will we go?
I for one plan to do the following things:
1.) Really focus on decorating my home…
2.) Record some music that has yet to be recorded
3.) Create a website and get a design business running
4.) Take voice lessons
5.) Get a sewing machine that actually works and LEARN
6.) Study the Bible with my husband!
7.) Go back over my prophetic history and ask the Lord to remind me…
8.) Buy every Sara Groves album
9.) Finalize a book that I’m going to move forward on writing
10.) Keep up on dishes and keep clothes on hangers
And anyways..
Sunday was Pentecost.
Fresh winds, tongues of fire, a new wineskin.
Its meaning echos in the finalizing of one season and a walk into another.
Jesus Spirit is here, with us, in Me. And He is calling, inviting…
Beautiful He is, and I am willing.
Hello new day. You are warmly welcomed into the home of my heart.
5.19.2010
5.18.2010
this great Mystery...
I, at moments, can sit in my little work chair typing away - when my love for Ricky overwhelms my heart and my eyes well up and my heart awakens. Love is a subject overdone by greater writers than myself. Yet, love is this beautiful thing that I can't run away from.
And I think that's the beauty of it all. I can hide my face from the Lord, whose Love is the sun and my dear husband is merely a moon - reflecting His rays into my heart in the midnight hour… but in those dark moments, the Sun feels so absent, but the moon guides me home. Even in the brightest shining day he can be found. He's the physical constant - the great reminder - the Lord's shining love is always there.
And he's not perfect. And his lack of perfection has nothing to do with my love. All a strange concept in itself. What makes my heart erupt in gratitude, more than anything, is His nearness. Maybe it's oneness - something which seems so undefinable. But even this oneness, this great gift, makes his imperfection even more intrusive. Yet my love grows.
Because there he is. And the more HE IS, the more I love. The more memories that he's interwoven in, the more I love. The more tears that he went through, even without full understanding, the more I love. The more I can say - we were there, and now we are here - the more I love.
And this thing, this oneness, this fuel to a flame, isn't always comfortable. But even its discomfort I love. It reminds me I'm alive, I'm in need, I'm wretched, poor, naked, and blind. It reminds me how ugly I am, how ugly WE are, yet how much the Sun continues to illuminate our sky.
I curl up under the blanket, hide my face, and cry because I miss the Sun. The night is cold. Yet my silly heart should merely turn to my side, and feel He who is love, speaking through this man who won't leave - no matter how loud I yell, or how many dishes I leave undone. And I couldn't leave him unless I choose wickedness, unless I turned my back on all things good and beautiful.
And this holy, invisible force that keeps us together - in this oneness - is evidence there is a God. A beautiful, loving God who wrote this whole drama to point to a Godman who chose a wife for Himself. His love and his story is stamped even in the most mundane of life. The arising in the morning, the brushing of the teeth, and the long drives to Sunday evening dinners.
Ricky is my moon. And I love him because he's always in my sky.
Even more it's the Light that I love. I love the Light. And one day the moon, and my dark lifeless soul - so dead without the heat of day, and even the survival of the night - will embrace the Sun with a nearness we've never known.
Amen.
4.19.2010
so i began to calculate finances once our dear sweet baby is born.
let me tell you - THAT WAS INTENSE.
i'm not sure how we'll make it, but when i bombarded my precious husband with all the details
the minute i rushed through the door
he patiently listened and reminded me of the promises and character of God.
how thankful i am for him!
when one of us is freaking, the other one is rock solid.
the joy of having another person around.
these thoughts have made our eventual kansas city move that much more real.
setting dates (if jobs come along), and discussing how we'll make the move.
it's a while away, and not set in stone, but i'm a planner (though only my husband may know this)
and i love to know what and how things are going to roll out.
to live simply, in the context of community, taking part in something my heart believes in - is the ultimate season of glee.
i took some lame belly pics.
but i guess it's good to document, even when there's only a little pooch there (probably more fat than baby!).
this is me at 11 weeks (pretty much almost 12 weeks - but that's neither here nor there)
hopefully next week ricky can take some non-headless ones... haaaaaaa.
time for dishes!
let me tell you - THAT WAS INTENSE.
i'm not sure how we'll make it, but when i bombarded my precious husband with all the details
the minute i rushed through the door
he patiently listened and reminded me of the promises and character of God.
how thankful i am for him!
when one of us is freaking, the other one is rock solid.
the joy of having another person around.
these thoughts have made our eventual kansas city move that much more real.
setting dates (if jobs come along), and discussing how we'll make the move.
it's a while away, and not set in stone, but i'm a planner (though only my husband may know this)
and i love to know what and how things are going to roll out.
to live simply, in the context of community, taking part in something my heart believes in - is the ultimate season of glee.
i took some lame belly pics.
but i guess it's good to document, even when there's only a little pooch there (probably more fat than baby!).
this is me at 11 weeks (pretty much almost 12 weeks - but that's neither here nor there)
hopefully next week ricky can take some non-headless ones... haaaaaaa.
time for dishes!
4.15.2010
the Lord is gracious and compassionate. slow to anger and rich in love.
what a beautiful statement. what hope it is for our lives.
THERE IS HOPE! THERE IS HOPE!
i had an incredible weekend. i forgot our camera so i missed a lot of moments, but hopefully someone else captured them. alex's shower was delightful. the best part was hanging out with the planning committee. we had such a fun time decorating and tearing down and what not. it was fun to see it all turn into reality.
my sister's shower was sunday, and was also delightful. the reality of her baby, AND MINE, is... well... not yet a reality. But once kyan comes into this world, I think I'll grasp that my sister is REALLY a mommy. so insane!
it's also been a week of, "wow... ricky, i am SO in love with you." i just can't get enough of him! i'm cracking up every second we are together... i just want to talk to him about everything and anything (more than usual, which trust me, is alot)! i am just enjoying my husband to the highest possible degree. not that i don't always enjoy him, but this week we are on cloud 9. i probably owe it to 3... no 4! things:
1.) Reading Mystery of Marriage always awakens my heart to the absolute beauty, holiness, and spirituality that is found within marriage. When I remember something is connected to the heart of God, or that something can connect me to the heart of God, I fall wayyyyyyyy more in love with it.
2.) Being away from him always makes me appreciate him that much more. I couldn't fall asleep all weekend. I was a MESS at the airport. And the sweetness of the weekend can never be AS sweet as when he's around.
3.) I'm exiting my first trimester and feel like a normal human being again. I have a relative amount of energy... I'm not on the brink of throwing up every second of every day... and I actually am able to spend time with him when he comes home at 9 oclock at night.
4.) JESUS! He's so alive! And my heart is so tender right now... Conversations with Jenny and Courtney... Little dreams and whispers in the night... the beauty of the Word... all are ulling me from a season of fatigue on all levels. When Jesus moves my heart, my heart is moved toward Ricky more and more.
It's crazy how falling in love is a neverending journey. I just love it!
Thursdays=My Friday! Hallelujah. Have a joy-filled weekend.
OH! And it's my beloved Mom's birthday today. I just love to celebrate her life!
what a beautiful statement. what hope it is for our lives.
THERE IS HOPE! THERE IS HOPE!
i had an incredible weekend. i forgot our camera so i missed a lot of moments, but hopefully someone else captured them. alex's shower was delightful. the best part was hanging out with the planning committee. we had such a fun time decorating and tearing down and what not. it was fun to see it all turn into reality.
my sister's shower was sunday, and was also delightful. the reality of her baby, AND MINE, is... well... not yet a reality. But once kyan comes into this world, I think I'll grasp that my sister is REALLY a mommy. so insane!
it's also been a week of, "wow... ricky, i am SO in love with you." i just can't get enough of him! i'm cracking up every second we are together... i just want to talk to him about everything and anything (more than usual, which trust me, is alot)! i am just enjoying my husband to the highest possible degree. not that i don't always enjoy him, but this week we are on cloud 9. i probably owe it to 3... no 4! things:
1.) Reading Mystery of Marriage always awakens my heart to the absolute beauty, holiness, and spirituality that is found within marriage. When I remember something is connected to the heart of God, or that something can connect me to the heart of God, I fall wayyyyyyyy more in love with it.
2.) Being away from him always makes me appreciate him that much more. I couldn't fall asleep all weekend. I was a MESS at the airport. And the sweetness of the weekend can never be AS sweet as when he's around.
3.) I'm exiting my first trimester and feel like a normal human being again. I have a relative amount of energy... I'm not on the brink of throwing up every second of every day... and I actually am able to spend time with him when he comes home at 9 oclock at night.
4.) JESUS! He's so alive! And my heart is so tender right now... Conversations with Jenny and Courtney... Little dreams and whispers in the night... the beauty of the Word... all are ulling me from a season of fatigue on all levels. When Jesus moves my heart, my heart is moved toward Ricky more and more.
It's crazy how falling in love is a neverending journey. I just love it!
Thursdays=My Friday! Hallelujah. Have a joy-filled weekend.
OH! And it's my beloved Mom's birthday today. I just love to celebrate her life!
4.07.2010
well well well.
life is lovely.
so much is happening, and so much to do. i think i'm showing a little, though anyone whose pregnant will tell you most definitely you are not showing and it is impossible to show this early. i don't care much. ricky has seen my belly every day for 9 months, and is convinced beyond words it's sticking out. and it can't be fat, because i think i've lost some weight since becoming pregnant due to my 24/7 morning sickness.
in other news, i'm counting down the days until my 2nd trimester. i'm hoping it's the glory season everyone claims it to be. this past 2 months have definitely been the most trying time physically i have ever been through - which is a big statement because i have had constant digestive problems since before i can remember. oh the things women can endure.
enough with my body. ricky is the sweetest husband in the world. i had an emotional breakdown last night, about everything and nothing, and wept for over and hour as ricky held me and just prayed for my little heart. this was after working+school a 15 hour day. he's a hero.
i listened to misty edwards latest cd on a roundtrip 1.5 hour drive yesterday. the songs are old, but the movement it caused in my heart was fresh. i wept as i remember my painful state of hunger and thirst is an act of love to God. i was reminded my love, though weak, is real in His eyes. i'm a failure at much, but atleast i'm still reaching.
life is lovely.
so much is happening, and so much to do. i think i'm showing a little, though anyone whose pregnant will tell you most definitely you are not showing and it is impossible to show this early. i don't care much. ricky has seen my belly every day for 9 months, and is convinced beyond words it's sticking out. and it can't be fat, because i think i've lost some weight since becoming pregnant due to my 24/7 morning sickness.
in other news, i'm counting down the days until my 2nd trimester. i'm hoping it's the glory season everyone claims it to be. this past 2 months have definitely been the most trying time physically i have ever been through - which is a big statement because i have had constant digestive problems since before i can remember. oh the things women can endure.
enough with my body. ricky is the sweetest husband in the world. i had an emotional breakdown last night, about everything and nothing, and wept for over and hour as ricky held me and just prayed for my little heart. this was after working+school a 15 hour day. he's a hero.
i listened to misty edwards latest cd on a roundtrip 1.5 hour drive yesterday. the songs are old, but the movement it caused in my heart was fresh. i wept as i remember my painful state of hunger and thirst is an act of love to God. i was reminded my love, though weak, is real in His eyes. i'm a failure at much, but atleast i'm still reaching.
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